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Trusting quiet

In many ways, the last year and a half have been tough for me. It all started with the end of a 5 year relationship, which kicked off a very intense season of mourning. When I was finally feeling ready for my personal “springtime”, and started feeling myself coming back to life, I met Noah. After a short but exhilarating romance, we found out I was pregnant. The first trimester was…gah.  It was intense.

During my pregnancy, I often found it very difficult to see things from a higher and more holistic perspective – something that has long been a point of personal pride and has helped me feel connected with myself, others, and life.  Upsetting things in my life and in the world just felt bad and wrong, and I struggled to find the peace that comes with seeing things from a broader and more integrated perspective.

Because I was struggling, I often felt uninspired and un-creative.  

I remember sitting on the couch, eating ice cream at 2pm, and crying about my lack of creativity to Noah, “I feel like the magic is broken! I just don’t feel like myself.”  And I didn’t.

I knew myself to be mostly creative, focused, optimistic, inspired, and able to shift my emotional states.  I did not know the woman on the couch.

Some very wise friends reminded me that it was natural that I felt lacking in outward creative flow; I was engaged in one of the most creative acts of humankind: making a baby.  And while I could understand that rationale, I found it so difficult to be patient with the journey.

I wanted to turn things around and make the magic happen. 

But I was in a period of quiet, and the more I fought the quiet, the more I struggled.

Life was calling me to surrender into quiet space,
to nest-in and learn to embrace the darkness more deeply,
to learn to trust that life would not only support me, but also my child,
to allow the muse to find me in her time,
to allow creativity the space to flow.
It was no longer my springtime; it was winter.

The “winters” in our lives, when the last things have ended and the new things are yet to be, are powerful opportunities to trust that eventually, “spring” will come.

The quiet times in life ask us to trust that space is not simply fallow emptiness, but rather a fertile void.

And that trust can be hard to hold.  Especially when we sense what spring will bring…

  • I’ve known for 3+ years that something big was coming for me – a new course that showed me its first tendrils of being in a meditation.  Over the last 3 years, I tried everything I could conceive of to see this course more clearly.  To understand its structure. To start creating it.
  • For the last year, I’ve known that another new offering was brewing.  But nothing I was doing was helping me see it more clearly.

These offerings weren’t ready for me, or perhaps I wasn’t ready for them.  Either way, it just wasn’t our time.

Knowing that they were brewing, but not being able to force creativity was tough, but I had to let go…into the quiet…into the void.  And listen.  And of course, a few weeks ago – back in meditation – the creativity started flowing again in full force, and these offerings have come clearly into focus.  (I’ll be sharing about one of them next week 🙂

When we surrender into space & learn to trust quiet, the truth will emerge and creativity will flow.

SOME QUESTIONS TO SUPPORT THE JOURNEY:

What do I mistrust about quiet times?

What am I avoiding and afraid to look at?

What if this silence is the fertile void, a chance to listen, explore, create anew?

What is the lesson here? What is life wanting to show me?

What do I really, truly desire?

What do I need to support me in the meantime?

Where do I need to put my focus in the meantime?

These questions helped me allow the ebb in my creative flow, and now that new things are emerging for me, I am so grateful I made space for the quiet.  My winter was wild and wonderful in so many ways, and I’m thrilled to be back in my spring.

 

–––> In the comments below, share what “season” you are in right now, and how you’ve navigated a winter in your life. 

 

13 Comments

  1. Love this Nisha. I can relate in many ways. I feel myself being quiet while I go through so many shifts.. as mom and carrying this new role and identity in life has me feeling so many emotions. And my parents divorced at the same time as I started my family was confusing. I feel like all I once knew has faded and something new has emerged and all I wanted to do is turn inward and have found it challenging to creatively express myself. I feel it and trust it and know this is part of the process of growth for me right now and it won’t always be this way. New wisdom is emerging and hasn’t fully uncovered for me yet. Thanks for sharing your journey. So many shifts for you! ❤

    • Wow, Anna – How intense to have your parents separating as you were starting your family. I can only imagine…

      I can so relate to everything you shared! Thank you for sharing.

      xo

  2. Is beautiful to read how the life changing experiences you had, invited you to go deeper in your self-knowledge. Answering your question……after living a full and long postpartum winter, I just gain a big comprehension of what is life about and how transformative can be being a mom….What helped me? cry a lot, didn´t force myself to have a special personal rutine, and definitely eat icecream……When I see that period (not long ago, my baby is 18 month), y just trust in my high……very high sensitivity, insted of thingking “I´m too hormonal right now”…..I´m sure you are, and will continue discovering gems inside those challenging moments.

  3. Dear Nisha, First of all I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experiences, life, wisdom, and knowledge so honestly and wholeheartedly. I have choose to follow you because your honesty and openness really attuned me with that part of me that Is often looking to find a voice and when I ready you somehow it makes eco in me. The past 6 months have been a transformation period after going through the broken up with my 3 years relationship. It was devastating at some level but empowering in others. I have slowly slowly been shredding off what not longer serves me, and allowing myself to the opportunities that the present time I see offering. Although like you, I have times that I feel creativity and inspiration had abandone me, but trust and life are somehow whispering my ears even in the midst of confusion and pain. I want to tell you as well that thanks to you I am now enroll in B-school and I made it through your website because I want to walk this new journey beside two of the women I greatly admire, Marie Forleo and Yourself.
    I am so excited to learn from you in the Artistry of Busness and I do wish one day I can also share one of your life programs in the future.
    I send you and your gorgeous baby boy my best wishes for radiant health and inner peace.
    Luisa 🌻

    • Luisa, I am really excited to get to know you in Artistry of Business!

      Blessings to you as you step into the life that’s awaiting you on the
      other side of that relationship. Your soul knows what to do.

      xo

  4. Thank you for this post, Nisha. I’m currently in (another) winter… I’ve lost my job, my partnership of 3+ years is ending (thought/felt he was the One), and I feel so lost and disoriented.

    As if the pain of grief and loss weren’t enough, the quiet and solitude are crushing. And while I know it’s vital to healing and creating a new chapter, it’s so hard to sit with.
    It helps, at least intellectually, to see through your experience that there is a reason for it all. Because right now I just keep asking myself “why?” over and over again.

    But I suppose as you were creating the life of your son, I am creating an evolved version of myself.

    Thank you again for sharing this and for being so open and vulnerable.

    • “I am creating an evolved version of myself.” — so beautiful.

      And yes, the gestation periods can be so painful and confusing.
      I too trust that you’re birthing something beautiful, so long
      as you stay committed to mining for gold from each experience.

      Don’t forget to spend time in community – it makes all the difference.

      xo

  5. Truly speaks to where I’m at in my business right now; quite time. I’m trying to go inward and ask. Also using it to develop some new work.

    • Beautiful, Krista. The space within holds infinite magic when we listen…

      xo

  6. The comments here are beautiful! 👆♥

    I love this piece you write :: The quiet times in life ask us to trust that space is not simply fallow emptiness, but rather a fertile void.

    I have been in winter for the last 10 months and Fall for another 6 months before that. While there have been some uber creative moments, I have experienced a general cooling of my energy, a slowing down, and going deeper than ever. Like you, I have always prided myself in my ability to come from a deep place, and this season has called for me to go even deeper, to experience some of the most painful lessons I could even conceive.

    I’m navigating it by expanding my ability to mother those hurt parts, give myself rest (going to work from Playa in MX for a month in April), and choose even little things that inspire me. Fierce Fabulous Free sparked my creativity in choosing experiences that I would find joyful. Lastly, I let go or give back the rest – any perspective that someone else gave me that doesn’t serve me.

    I’m learning to use my own tuning fork to know what I need! I am starting to feel safe and trust myself. It’s been a beautifully painful winter…

    • Thank you so much for sharing this, Victoria. I think that when we can say “beautifully painful”, we are really touching into the magic and mystery of life.

      I am so happy to hear that you’re feeling safe to trust yourself, and connecting with your own tuning fork. Love love.

      xo

  7. Thank you for sharing this. As with everything, it felt like it came at just the right time for me, as I have been questioning these things in my own life as well. After a few years of pretty dramatic growth for me, I’m feeling like I hit the pause button. On an intellectual level, I know what the things are that I need to do next, with my business and my writing, but I’m just not feeling inspired to do them. It’s like I’m going through the motions. Some of the questions I’ve been wrestling with: How do we know when we’re in a period of winter/integration/necessary slowdown versus when we’re holding back from moving forward for other reasons? How long a pause is too long before we start to get too entrenched in staying where we are?

    • Jen, thank you so much for sharing. What’s worked for me is two things:
      1. Feeling in and asking what feels true for me on the deepest level. Am I avoiding/procrastinating/resisting, or is it time for space?
      2. I give myself a clear period of time to *not know*; I take a “vacation” from trying to force myself forward or find clarity.

      The container of the extra space, coupled with feeling into what’s real, helps me settle in and find the flow.

      xo

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