My boyfriend is an amazing tango dancer. AMAZING. If he went on Dancing with the Stars, he’d totally win.
While we wait for our table at a restaurant, when we pass each other in the hallway mid-day, or when we’re all dressed up and waiting for our taxi — we dance tango.
We met at the wedding of mutual friends. Apparently he was checking me out for a few hours before finding the courage to approach me. When he finally did, he asked me if I liked to dance. “Yes!”, I said, excitedly. “Do you like to dance tango?”, he asked. “Uhh…I never have, but you can take me for a spin”, I smiled.
He pulled me in for “the embrace”, as they call it, took a full inhale and exhale with me and began. We took 3 steps together, and I neatly landed every single one on his feet. Oy. Unlike him, I did not dance tango.
This is what we did *not* look like:
Several months ago, I realized that I’ve been vowing to myself that I would learn tango for 2 years. And for 2 years, I’ve had plenty of reasons and excuses why I haven’t. Here are some of my most creative:
› “I just need to get through this launch”
› “I really want to learn in Argentina”
› “It would be fun if he taught me, instead of an instructor”
› “Classes are on Saturdays and I travel too much”
› “I don’t have the right shoes”
Wow. Really? Really.
I’ve been making the same crappy excuses for 2 years. I know that doesn’t make me special, though. We all do it in one area of our lives or another.
For many of us, the excuse is that we’re too busy. For others, the excuse is that we’re “waiting until the time is right”. Either way, we’re waiting. And waiting isn’t inherently bad, but the question is:
Why are you really waiting?
Because underneath my excuses about needing the right shoes and wanting to finish my launch first, the truth was that I wasn’t prioritizing it, and I really, really wanted to learn! I was also afraid that I’d suck. I wasn’t honoring my natural desires; I was making excuses that kept me stuck and waiting. I built myself a castle of excuses and bought into them day after day, even though I was sure I was “going with the flow”.
We all have the choice whether to “make sh*t happen” or “go with the flow”.
Going with the flow = not being an active participant in creation.
Making sh*t happen = forcing and pushing for a result.
What if there’s a 3rd option?
Going with your flow = being a true creator in your life.
We all have a natural rhythm, and it is always changing. Rather than listen to this rhythm, though, most of us spend most of our time fighting against it. Take the examples of two clients of mine:
“Rebecca” is an über successful entrepreneur whose company makes multi-7-figures each year. She knows how to work her butt of and make sh*t happen. She’s the definition of a hustler. The problem that she faces is that she’s totally sacrificed her body for success, and now her body is deeply upset and she’s struggling with her hormones and her weight. Rebecca needs to slow down and go with her flow.
“Jessica” is a sensitive, intuitive soul who wants to build her business. She has a beautiful vision board and a clear picture of what she wants. Her self-care is impeccable and she is totally going with the flow in her life. The problem that she faces is that when it comes to taking action in her business, she feels stuck — her confidence is lacking and her embarrassment at her lack of results is starting to show. Jessica needs speed up and go with her flow.
It is a revolutionary, world-changing, impact-making act to go at our own pace. <tweet it>
Going with your flow means listening to your desires and being clear about how you want to feel. When you are going with your flow, your actions are clearer and are approached with more pleasure and less resistance. It is one thing to know what you want and go for it, and it is another to feel a sense of ease and calm around it. We need both — action and ease — putting us in a true state to create. I call this The Strategy of Ease.
When I realized that I was holding myself back from learning tango and that my desire was to be learning and having fun with it, I signed up for classes. Here I am in my tango shoes (shoes I already owned!) before my first class: