When Passion Feels Utterly Exhausting

In 2021, at 42 years old, I gave birth to my second child. That postpartum was very different than when I was 37 with my first, as it thrust me very undeniably into perimenopause.

By the time my little guy was 2, I felt like I was dragging anchor in a serious way…

He was still nursing occasionally, and was always in my bed by the middle of the night, so the physical and sleep exhaustion had thoroughly taken its toll. The depletion felt like a bottomless well – no good night’s sleep or nourishing meal could touch it.

But it wasn’t just the impact of motherhood that was taking its toll…

It was my dad’s death.
It was single motherhood.
It was over a decade of entrepreneurship.
It was the stress of financial responsibility.
It was a lifetime of deep empathy.
​It was a lifetime of being a woman.

I was beyond exhausted, often overwhelmed, and pretty numb. No matter how much I tried to care for myself, underneath it all, I felt lacklustre.

During that time, everything that pointed towards a bigger, fuller life and business – anything that required passion – felt utterly exhausting.

I felt trapped in a conundrum:
I knew I wanted more, but I didn’t have the energy to build the passion to go for it.

My breaking point came in 2023, in the form of separation from my kids’ dad.

We knew it was time to call-it and transition into a coparenting relationship. At first, this was a relief because it finally felt like I was living the truth. Immediately, this gave me energy.

But there was something bigger life asked of me – a committment to myself.So with every ounce of will I could muster, I made myself a thisromise:

For the rest of my life, I would love myself well and live a life I was deeply, deeply proud of – not just for how much I could endure, but for the choices I was making.

This sent me on a journey of re-igniting my passion, with help from so many others along the way (including my amazing naturopath, because health is the foundation of everything).

Since the separation…I share custody of my kids a single mom, I have a new partnership, I’ve created 3 new offers in my work that I am obsessed with, my kids’ dad and I have worked intensely on creating a good coparenting relationship, and I am navigating menopause with more energy and financial buoyancy. And even though I am holding so much, I am way less drained.

I still feel tired sometimes, of course.
​I still get stressed, of course.
​But I feel FAR more filled with fire, passion, and vitality than I did before.

This isn’t about us taking on all the responsibility for people and systems that are letting us down, or to say that life will be wonderful if we just decide it will be.
​
But I am here to say that one decision – to have and create better – can be the beginning of changing the game in serious ways.

We don’t have to live the rest of our lives feeling mostly exhausted, stressed, overwhelmed, or numb.

This is the work that changed my entire perimenopause experience, and I am so excited to share it with you.

So here is your invitation to join our community of brilliant midlife women inside Matriarchal Leadership.