“I don’t think this is going to work”, he said.
In that moment, a giant fist punched through my belly, taking all of my oxygen with it. I felt dead and dying all at once.
I felt my physical body shrinking as I fell down, down, down through universes. Swirling, tumbling, rolling into tighter pain and desperation. My mind raced and my heart pounded. I was a million questions and a billion terrified answers. My heart was surely breaking.
The next week was a blur. I cried and cried and blew my nose until it was red and raw and sore to touch. I spend 25 hours a day talking with my girlfriends. I moved into a week-to-week apartment in San Francisco. I gave my notice for my New York apartment and scheduled the movers. I turned 34. I released a poetry book to gave donations to charity. I had a photo shoot for the launch of the LIVE FREE Retreat. All in that one week – the week of my most devastating heartbreak yet.
In the weeks and months that have passed, I’ve had several friends and clients ask me how I pulled through so well. How did I manage to remain open-hearted? How did I survive 2 consecutive launches? How did I continue to support my clients when I was a wreck? How did I bear attending 3 weddings in the first few months after? How did I pull off a cross-country move and several trips? Instead of completely crumbling…how did I hustle through heartbreak?
We’ve all experienced heartbreak in our lives: losing someone close to us through death, breakup or divorce; losing a job or one we were sure we’d get; receiving terrible news about our health or someone else’s; having someone tell you something that’s painful to hear… And if you’re here, reading this, you somehow survived it. I’ve survived heartbreak before, when I went through my own divorce and when my grandparents passed away. But somehow, this time I thrived. If you’re struggling through heartbreak of any kind, I hope what I have to share is helpful in some way, like heartbalm for the sore spots.
How to hustle through heartbreak:
1. Permission to be a hot mess.
The first thing I did was let myself unravel completely. It helped that I didn’t feel I had a choice, but nonetheless, I knew that trying to hold it all together wasn’t going to allow space for healing. You can numb-out and dive into go-mode, but eventually you will have to deal with your emotions. When you avoid your emotions, they don’t disappear, they get packed away to be dealt with later. Like all piles of unfinished business, some of your energy goes into the low-grade anxiety of managing those unresolved feelings. Do not “suck it up”, “buckle down” or “get over it”. Just admit you’re a hot mess, love. We understand.
2. Give yourself credit.
I gave myself big pats on the back and lots of loving self-talk while I was in the pain. I was being the kind of woman I admired: willing to feel my feelings and still keep going. The more I saw myself in this light, the better I felt and the more I was able to stay present in the moment. Yes, you’re a hot mess…and, you are so much stronger and more resilient than you likely give yourself credit for. You’ve survived tough stuff before, and you’re totally going to survive this, too. You are tender and fierce enough to remain open-hearted and present, and to take care of business. You’ve got this, but not alone…
3. Let it all hang out with your friends.
I spent countless hours on girlfriend’s couches, spent weekends away with friends, cried for hours and hours and hours on the phone, engaged in ‘text therapy’ with my girlfriends for entire afternoons, got rides from friends to other friends’ houses, and called on my therapist and coach for support. If I were to write a list of all their names here, it would have at least 40 people on it. And you know what? I was embarrassed. I felt like a broken record, a burden, a crybaby. And I also had the great realization that this is what friends are for, and when it’s my turn to help a friend in need, I’ll be there. Allowing them to hold me in my pain creates more love and intimacy in our friendship, and opens the space for them to feel safe to do the same when their heart’s broken. Enlist a core group of sisters to hold a vision for your desires and to hold your hand through the painful parts.
4. Tell your close people what’s up.
In addition to a few girlfriends, within 24 hours, I notified my graphic designer (we were working on the poetry book together), my assistant, my Business Manager, my mom, my dad and my clients of what was going on. Do not disappear off the face of the earth. Your colleagues, staff, clients, parents, siblings, and all your other friends and loved ones, need to know where you are. So often we go radio silent, leaving people to wonder, where did she go? Don’t do that to people, and don’t isolate yourself. Tell them what’s up right away: that your heart is breaking and you’re not sure you can take it but you’re sure as hell going to try. Tell them how they can help and how you’re dealing with it, when they can expect to hear from you again, and how they can be in touch. Be real, loop them in, let them support you.
5. Cook and clean.
After losing my Grandpa a few years ago, I learned that one of the best things I can do (which is also, ironically, one of the things I least want to do), is go grocery shopping, cook, and clean my house. When your fridge is stocked with healthy, nourishing foods, your house smells great and feels clean and cozy, and you have everything you need at your fingertips, you can settle in. Cry while you cook, cry while you clean, then wrap yourself in a blanket for some soup and sales copy. You can do this…
6. Get help and stay the course.
There have been times when I’ve cancelled everything on my calendar in the midst of heartbreak, but sometimes follow-through is the medicine we need. When I was thrust into this – my most epic heartbreak yet – I had a poetry book to compile and launch in a handful of days (in time for my birthday), and a big launch immediately after that. I could’ve cleared the decks and pushed everything off, but I decided to just. keep. moving. I asked for more help, delegated more tasks, and kept the timelines in place. The key here is answering the question, “What do I want?” and remaining committed to that, even in the face of despair and even when it’s much, much easier to crumble into stories of how terrible your life will always surely be. Deciding to keep going just might save you, too.
7. Hold babies.
I held so many babies in the weeks after my heartbreak, I can’t even count them all. Why? Babies look at you when you’re hurt and melt your icy heart. They giggle and spit-up all over you, and help you remember that you’re alive, and being alive is good, and there’s so much life ahead of you. This list would be incomplete without my high recommendation that you go play with babies. There’s so much life in those little bodies, and even if you don’t feel like it right now, there’s so much life left in you.
8. Work, Cry, Repeat.
I realized that being a completely unraveled, purposeless heap of snotty tissues, wasn’t going to help me heal and move forward. Conversely, being a completely numb, robotic machine of checklists wasn’t going to do the trick either. There were edges of this range – from tender to fierce – that felt healthy, productive, honest. So I navigated it my way. I cried for an hour or so, ate soup, then said outloud to myself “Okay, honey, deep breath…you’ve got this”, and got to work. I wasn’t a purposeless heap or a robotic machine. I was a fully feeling human woman on a mission. I’d spend an hour crying with a friend, then an hour writing a blog post. Like that. There’s a way – your way – to navigate a broken-heart while still showing up in the world. It’ll take a lot of help, a lot of soup, and a lot of presence. But honey, you’ve got this…
––> In the comments below, share any tips you have for thriving through heartbreak.
I so love this Nisha. I’m all about naps, baths, and tv show marathons on netflix. Cozy blankets, warm showers, and 5-minute-long hugs are up there too. 🙂 sending you so much love. xoxo
Cozy blankets are the BEST. Can never own too many.
Thanks for reading, Jordana!
Much love,
Nisha
I survived a breakup by allowing myself everything I needed to feel, sadness, frustration, and learning how to control the desire to “patch things up”. I said to myself that all these feelings will pass, and one of the things I did was not to pity myself, try not to be caught in a negative internal chatter, like: You should have done this or that… or you shouldn’t have done this or that. The world of shoulds made me spiral down. I try to stop my mind from using the “shoulds”. Losing that significant person feels like it is the end of the world, but the truth is that we all have the ability and the strength to survive with God’s help, and with the emotional support from family members, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, and even people we don’t even know. I have gone to libraries in an effort to find a good book that would help me in my quest to feel better, and other customers and sales people have given me their pearls of wisdom that have made me feel so much better. This is the time when we need to hold on to our spirituality and do things we have never done before, or do things differently.
This is beautiful Bell, you were able to move through this by giving yourself full permission to feel what was present as you were navigating your transition. There is so much wisdom in that, and we thank you for sharing this with us xo Grateful for you being here and inspiring us all with your strength of heart.
Nisha Nisha Nisha. Thank you for sharing this. My whole body has chills reading this and my eyes are teary. I remember what it felt like to go through my own epic heartbreak last year, and I somehow miraculously survived it. I always recommend the book “Broken Open” by Elizabeth Lesser to anyone going through a breakup. I slept with it under my pillow for the first few months.
Love you sister. Thank you for sharing your strength with us..
Thank you, Jenny love.
You are beautiful.
Much love,
Nisha
I love this Nisha,
I was just thinking, she’s a girlfriend I would want in my court. You’re so incredible and honest and that is where the gift lies.
For me, SINGING. I sing through tears and I sing through smiles I sing through anger and I sing through lies.
There is a great freedom in song.
Aw, thanks, Meaghan!
Yes, singing has been medicine, too.
Thanks for the reminder of this.
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha, I am so glad you wrote this. I don’t know one woman who hasn’t experienced what you just wrote. Thank you for sharing your story and thoughts on moving through a personal trauma. I don’t want to see more women hurting, but it’s inevitable. I would really love to see more women sharing their story instead of hiding it in shame. You have a lot of people thinking of you. You have made an amazing difference in so many people’s lives. Thank you.
Thank you so much, Cheryl!
We so often do exactly what you’re saying:
hide our emotions away in pain and shame.
It’s the sharing, though, that helps us heal.
Much love,
Nisha
Thank you so much for sharing your story and tips on dealing with heartbreak. I just recently went through a breakup with a friend. It was weird b/c I’ve never broken up with a friend and it took me by surprise. I’m not AS heartbroken as this, obviously that may be a bit extreme. But it was heartbreaking. I’ve also gone through a divorce and while not heart broken by it, it took a lot to get my head around. The only tips you offer that I am struggling with, and I’m sure its down to growing up in a household where it was impolite to complain and should be left to keep it to myself, #3 & #4, but I suppose it’s time to get real and let people in 🙂 The fact that I am even writing this is liberating. This post is awesome, and so are you!
Hi Justiss,
Friend breakups suck! I’m so sorry.
I’m glad you’re open to sharing more with others.
For all of humankind, we have relied on one another
for support. It’s only when we started living in
single-family units, outside of community, that we
began pretending “everything’s fine”, when it’s not.
I applaud your courage in letting people in!
The world will be better for it.
Much love,
Nisha
That was wonderful. Thank you. 🙂
Thanks for reading, Liz!
Much love,
Nisha
Such awesome wisdom here.
I am going through a heartbreak, of sorts, with coming to terms with some important relationships in my life. Allowing myself to just be a hot mess AND keep on keepin’ on has been so important for me.
big love.
Nicely done, Christie.
Sending love to you!
Much love,
Nisha
Hi Nisha,
Thanks for sharing and being so vulnerable here. I am so moved with your level of honesty, and there is so much wisdom in your vulnerability.
Thank you, Lisa, and thank you for reading!
Much love,
Nisha
<3
– Laughter – as much as possible.
-Fluffy animals
-Hot water
Great ones, Irina. Hot water bottle, hot tea, hot bath…yes to hot water!
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha. I just want to share my love, respect, and sisterhood with you. I’m feeling called to share with you something I posted on my Facebook page yesterday. It’s heartbreakingly beautiful. Check out these photos here: http://www.upworthy.com/a-husband-took-these-photos-of-his-wife-and-captured-love-and-loss-beautifully?c=ufb1
This beautiful couple dared to show the pain, vulnerability, and loss that comes with the heartbreak of cancer. I’m in awe of the human spirit and how people manage to shine their unique, brilliant lights through the darkness of any storm, even those storms that take life.
I noticed that the beautiful woman documented in these photos celebrated her 40th birthday while she was sick. My Dad had stage 4 lymphoma when he was 39. The cancer was ferocious and many of these images remind me of what Dad looked like when he was so sick. I remember his bald head and how he suddenly looked so small to me after those rounds of chemo. I was 8 when he was sick and it’s crazy to think about what my parents went through now that I have kids of my own… It’s a bit crushing when I allow myself to recognize how wild it is that he survived. I’m so grateful.
I’m utterly humbled and awed by what these images made me feel and think and remember… Yes, Nisha, heartbreak comes in many forms and it’s a magnificent opportunity for our hearts to be broken open right into the raw beauty of who we truly are. Thank you for shining the light on this in YOUR way. Much love to you, Nisha!
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Laura.
I remember seeing this post a few days ago, and
was touched, too. These raw human emotions –
love, pain, fear, loss – they’re so familiar and
relatable to us all. Thank you for sharing this
so I could remember again…
Much love,
Nisha
I’m totally with you on the cooking, cleaning, and stocking of healthy foods. Doing this -post-rock bottom- practically saved me and completely transformed my life. It was all so therapeutic and a wonderful way to spend alone time. Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner ~ I’d create wonderful healthy meals and set the table nice & pretty and enjoy these wonderful healing meals alone. It was the best and something I still do today when my life partner is not around for meals.
Food can be thy medicine in more ways than one <3
Thank you for sharing ~ XoXo
Food can be thy medicine in more ways than one…
So true, Lisa!
So often when we’re eating alone – sad or not –
we eat out of boxes or with the cheap dishes.
I love that you chose to treat yourself as a
distinguished guest. Beautiful, sister.
Much love,
Nisha
Thank you <3
Thank you for reading, Lee.
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha this is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing with such raw honesty and wisdom. Heartbreaks and break-ups in the past would completely paralyze me. Now I’m getting better at being with the pain and being functional and available to myself and my work. I also find it deeply healing to write, sing, meditate, spend time in nature and in the loving arms of friends. No one dies of a broken heart, as we’ve all learned 🙂 healing thoughts to you as you move into another great phase in your life!
Thank you, Puja 🙂
Your tips are so great, and it’s
true that no one dies of a broken
heart…especially if we choose
to thrive.
Much love,
Nisha
Love this Nisha. Such an inspiration to hear you FEELING and DOING.
I seem to be a one or the other kinda gal, but everyday I’m accepting more! 🙂 Much love to you!!
Thanks, Jaime. Love you, sister!
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha, thank you for always being so real! This blog is so powerful and definitely made me want to nurture myself with a good bowl of soup. 🙂 your authenticity is always appreciated. Cheers to your health and happiness!
Allison
Thank you so much, Allison!
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha,
Thank you for the vulnerability and intimacy of this post. I love you, sister. You’ve exemplified two things for me here. The first is what I call “feeling without breaking”- the concept of being able to feel the feelings without them swallowing you whole or turning to a vice- just going through it as raw as possible with no filters or defenses. Not easy and beautifully and bravely done.
Also, I’ve never been in love because I’ve been afraid of exactly what you are sharing now-this heartbreak. But your commitment to stay engaged and tender just shows me full open-heart love is always, always, more beneficial than “protecting”yourself because of feeling like it’s going to get too deep.You are still here, alive and inspiring me in every step. Thank you. xo
It is so worth it, Awo!
A second of love is worth an hour of heartbreak.
It takes courage, yes, but it’s a good gamble 🙂
Thank you for sharing this: “feeling without breaking”
Love it.
Much love,
Nisha
Beautifully described and written Nisha.
I find so much rawness and authenticity in blogs and sites like yours and other women. Unfortunately there is not the same vulnerability shared by us fellas! Maybe I need to start.
Namaste
Thank you so much, Brenton.
I think there’s a need for it!
One of the things I’m noticing
is that experiences that are
centered around adventure tend
to be a great space for men to
unfold into this type of dialogue.
Warmly,
Nisha
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe how much I love you. Thank you for being such an incredible spark of inspiration in my life. A strong woman with nurturing, sensuality, beauty, and poetry flowing out of you. <3
Thank you, Sweet One.
Much love,
Nisha
Awesome sauce, glad you see the opportunity in life’s lessons.
Thanks, Bobby!
Beautiful and powerful, Nisha. Strength through vulnerability and so helpful to so many people. Proud of you.
Thank you so much, Clay.
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha I loved this. I had my own first hustle through it back in ’08 and like you previous times I buckled, shut off, and shut in. That time I enrolled in a new beauty program, found an agent, hung out with friends, ate well, slept and laughed more.
Thank you for sharing.
Sounds like a beautiful approach, Rashida!
How did it serve you to feel your way through?
Much love,
Nisha
Beautiful. I think allowing yourself to feel everything is so important. Not “stuffing” the emptiness or emotions with something else like another person, food, drugs, etc. You have to just be with it. Feel the pain, feel the discomfort, feel the parts of you that are empty and fill them with time, self care, love and yourself. My last breakup was incredibly hard on me despite being initiated by me. But I just sat with it. Cried, got mad, wrote it all out and FELT it. I healed some deep wounds during this time because I showed up for myself with nothing but myself. Lots of love to you. xo
I am so with you, Stephenie. When we try to
avoid the emotions, something is going to have
to take the place and distract us, and more
often than not the choices aren’t healthy.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey, sister.
Lots of love to you, too!
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha, I love you. Thank you for this gorgeous, honest post. Still figuring out what to do when my heart is broken. Every time feel different. Most recently I have tried to tap into wisdom you have shared before, “never be sad alone.” Reaching out to people I love and trust helps move through the pain. Also sneaking into my kids beds at night for some sweet, warm snuggles. Taking long baths. Going for bike rides. Spending time in nature. Trying my best not to rush myself to get back to “normal.” Lots and lots of tears.
I love you. xoxo
I love you so much, Michelle.
Thanks for commenting here 🙂
Long baths. Nature. Yes.
Thank you for these reminders.
Most of all, I love this:
“…not to rush myself to get back to ‘normal'”
YES.
Much love,
Nisha
We need to talk.
I’m all ears, Erin 🙂
God Nisha… I love you. This is so brilliant. Your navigation of life, the heart, being fully alive… Masterful.
I’m taking much of what you shared into contemplation. Especially the part about isolation vs really letting everyone in your life know what is really going on.
I have such deep respect for you.
Thank you for your courageous, full on authenticity and your generosity in sharing your hard earned wisdom with us.
I love you
KC
I love you so much too, KC.
Thanks for reading and posting, sister.
I’m so excited to be with you and Baby
soon, to hold space for any and all that’s
there. You are exquisite.
Much love,
Nisha
Oh Nisha. You are very wise.
I went through my own heartbreak this summer. One that completely devastated me – it surprised me how much it hurt. I was introduced to this concept of “riding it out” and just feeling it and it changed my life quite literally. I think I learned to hide emotions that were not positive while I was very young and, now, as a big girl, I just can’t.
There is power in allowing yourself to feel them and letting them show. I learned that I don’t have to put on a happy face all of the time! I was hurting and I wasn’t okay… And that WAS okay.
I was blessed to be working with my favorite Julie (Santiago) during that time and she told me to write it all out. Do an emotion dump on paper. I did and it was AMAZING. I feel like I was able to heal more completely this time than with any other pain from my past.
I so love this post and your vulnerability in sharing it.
Thank you. Thank you!
Thank you so much for reading and commenting, Sara.
There’s an unspoken myth that if we don’t feel something,
we’re magically over it! Most of the time, we’re actually
just numb to it, and those emotions will eventually be
felt. In my opinion, it’s best to let them flow, as you
did through your work with Julie. More space to heal.
Much love,
Nisha
I cried all the way thru this, it touched me so. I’m a mess, I know it, I can say it out loud… and I’m also doing the work… and yeah, I got this. I’m pretty sure I’ll come out the other side better than ever… I’m counting on it!!
Thank you for saying all you said my dear… I burst into tears as I read this because it’s everything I feel. Sharing your story out loud gives us all permission to acknowledge ours and to know we are perfect in our messes:)
Tara
Oh, thank you so much for sharing your tender heart, Tara!
It takes courage to do that, even through your comment here.
We are SO perfect in our messes. The ones who don’t share
their mess are still feeling it, it’s just being hidden.
Big love to you for acknowledging it – and your greatness.
Much love,
Nisha
I launched my business on a Tuesday and left the man I thought I would marry on Thursday. Such a rough and amazing week. Thanks for sharing, I know what this feels like….
Wow, Stephanie. Big week indeed, sister!
How are you managing through it all?
Sending you so much love…
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha.
You and I, have a lot in common.
I’m 38, happily with the husband I want to keep.
Been through the awful marriage and divorce already.
Breaking through my shackles and finally doing what I’m suppose to be doing. The lovely miss kc baker told me about you when she and I were working together earlier this year (she passed along your info because there was a similarity between something…can’t remember what it was anymore).
Anyways – felt compelled to write and say HI.
Irene
From beautiful Kitsilano Point, Vancouver. xo
Hi Irene,
Thank you so much for reading and I’m glad
we’ve managed to stay virtually connected
through our intro by KC (love her!)
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha, THANK YOU so much for the courage to share your heart. <3 <3 <3
Thank you, Karie!
Much love,
Nisha
You have helped me to really take further comfort in my process of grieving, mourning, healing, and unrelenting transformation that is being birthed through the most challenging year of my life.
Thank you so deeply from my heart, Nisha, for your unabashed honesty and dedication to live purely.
Thank you for reading, Myrna.
Beautiful things can blossom from challenging times.
Much love to you on your journey, sister.
Much love,
Nisha
This could not have come at a better time. Thank you for your raw honesty.
You’re welcome, Sara, and thank you for reading!
Much love,
Nisha
For me, getting through heartache came in waves of hustling then hibernating. What I loved after hustling was seeing the progress of something accomplished~ In the midst of a divorce and the painful death of my beloved grandmother, I wanted to run away. But, since I wasn’t in a position to pack up my kids and move, I went on a mission to transform my home into my haven instead~ clearing out heaps of old stagnant & energy sucking crap and painting the entire exterior of my house Luscious Mango~ just because the color made me happy and I could.
I also started a new blog, a new job and a side business~ all making me feel like I have a ridiculous number of balls in the air. Juggling all of those balls is of course crazy at times, but having them going also helps because then when I need to hibernate, I can curl up and look at my life, seeing that I have options and that the future is abundant.
I love this so much, Pamela.
Thank you for sharing your journey.
Having a cozy haven for a home makes
all the difference in times of pain.
Major kudos for taking an incredibly
difficult time and choosing empowered
action from it.
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha, your blog post could not have been more timely. I had a bit of a rough couple of days dealing with old wounds and when I read this…I just remember the lyrics from Let Go, “there’s beauty in the breakdown”. I felt grounded in my sadness. More grounded and more connected sometimes than when I’m “happy”. I have been so scared of being sad, judging it as being a bad, useless human being…when sometimes being a “hot mess” is what you need. It was clearly what you needed, and I am so grateful that you shared that. Thank you!
Totally, Cara. All emotions will pass when
given time and space to be fully felt.
Sometimes we’re afraid that they’ll swallow
us whole, but somehow we always come out
the other side 🙂
Much love,
Nisha
Thank you so much Nisha, for your openess and vulnerability in sharing. Your words are absolutely beautiful. I love the sisterhood and sharing created from this post.
I went through a breakup just as I was moving to another country this fall. It was one of the saddest and most incredible experiences simultaneously in my life, and I didn’t know what to feel. (My dream came true but then I was also crying to catch my flight and so lost the first days on my new journey.) Since reading your post, I realize in myself I have tried to tuck away and hide the pain to “make it go away” and “only focus on good things.” I also saw I didn’t really reach out to a sisterhood or loved ones. In fact, other than 1 healer I really didn’t reach out to anyone. I only told people about the good of my new life.
Your message really helped me take a closer look at myself and go through the full healing.
I send you a virtual hug from France. xxx
Thank you so much for sharing this, Jennifer,
and congratulations on following your dream!
Sisterhood can be so incredibly healing. I’m
so happy you’ll take it to heart in the future.
Much love,
Nisha
Great article Nisha, and I’m so sorry to hear about your heart break. No matter who we are or what we’re going through in life, that is never an easy experience. And yet you showed how it can be a graceful and transformational process. Almost necessary in our journey of love.
Thank you,
Alexis Meads
Thank you so much for reading, Alexis.
Heartbreak is part of life, indeed!
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha,
I am saddened to hear that your heart is broken yet happy to see that you are complete and whole enough to know that you will survive, and even thrive, on the other side of the hurt. Your story reminds me of when I moved back to SF on the heels of the death of my brother. I accepted a job and moved back to the city of my birth, leaving 3 decades of infrastructure and community in North Carolina. Pretty shortly after I arrived, I knew that the job was not the right fit and I began to question whether or not I had made the right move. The discomfort was palpable, but I buckled in. I KNEW there were lessons to be learned. I knew that there were parts of me that needed the change and hurt in order to reach new places of life and liberation. It’s been a twisting and turning journey, and it’s not over. It’s never over. But, the beauty and newness that I’ve encountered along the way have been oh so worth it. So for you, dear one, continue to take heart. The light you shine for everyone is surely reflecting back on you.
Warmly,
Jennifer
You are so beautifully courageous, Jennifer.
It takes a brave heart to see that there are
lessons to be learned when we’re in the thick
of the discomfort. Thank you for sharing your
story!
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha, you nailed it sis. Like clockwork for me, before every product launch, my book launch, my new client website launches or before a major speaking engagement, I always face a breakdown. Usually something that appears external. For example, before I launched my book this fall (which became an Amazon.ca best-seller in under one month yipee) literally, 30 days before, my husband was attacked in a hate crime in front of me on the street, my best-friend’s brother passed away in an accident at 37 years old, I got the most random and undiagnosable infection/hole in my elbow that required heavy medication, a rash around my mouth that no doctor had an understanding of, and my 8 month old MacBook Air randomly developed a big thick purple line across the screen. Thank goodness for Apple Care. The point is, all of these breakdowns were each reason enough to delay my launch, question what I’m doing or just stop. But having done this dozens of time I prefer to relate to these things as “upper limit manifestations”. Anytime we’re called to grow to the next level, I believe we experience resistant forces that test us. And when we pass the test, abidance flows in. Thank you for putting this into words. I’m with you in spirit love all the way from Toronto, Canada.
Nisha, I think you might enjoy this article:
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/17/fashion/Modern-Love-Nursing-a-Wound-in-an-Appropriate-Place-.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0&smid=fb-share
Hi Nisha,
Thanks for being so authentic. I remember when I had the biggest heartbreak of my life. I wanted to feel it over and over again so i’d become numb to the pain. I would listen to “our music” and cry by myself for hours on end. I never called friends. I was too embarassed. I was supposed to have it all together. I got so numb, I became the “hurter” and everything was going to be “on my terms”. I had my fun but in the end, I wasn’t fooling anyone. I was empty. Now, things are much diffferent and I learned a lot from that experience. Still i find it hard to share but i am inspired by your humanity and authenticity. It’s where the real growth occurs. Thanks for that reminder! Hugs. (By the way, what a fool!).
Nisha,
You are truly a warrior. Your openness and willingness to share and be vulnerable is a gift that inspires me, and many others. Thank you for taking a stand for yourself and sharing with others your shining example of how it’s done. I have felt much of the pain that everyone describes as what heartache feels like to them. We each grieve in our own ways, but learning to honor the heartbreak instead of brush it under the rug is a new concept to me. And as a result, I have remnants of heartbreak that still occur five years later, that I have been trying to ‘be strong’ about and do what others tell me is ‘right’. My heart will always know what is right for me, but I need to be willing to listen. All I am left with now is the fact that repressing my heart has obviously not gotten me far in the healing department. Sure I have continued to go through the motions, smile and live in the now, but I find small pieces of my heart still taking me by surprise when the pain shows up without warning.
After reading your words, I am now inspired to actually open myself up and acknowledge that I may still have threads of what has come undone in the past that are still lingering. And that it is okay. I tried to rush it without honoring what I was going through and therefore haven’t gotten very far in the past 5 years. I may not see a clear path for myself as a woman and single mother yet, but maybe instead of only dealing with the pressures I am under, I should also take time to honor my heart and let go of trying to do it all by myself. We are taught to share in joy, but for some reason pain is scary to share in. Embodying a concept where pain can be shared is utterly beautiful and truly sparks hope in me to try it out and see what happens. It may turn out that not everyone shares this ideal, but I would like to give it a shot, for I know that I would be first in line to share in the pain of anyone who needs me. Why not give it a try myself, take the leap and be vulnerable too?
Thank you love. <3
We are so fully supporting you in you taking that courageous leap for yourself Aubrey…your heart is so eager to begin this new journey of unconditional love with you. Thank you so much for sharing you in this way. With love, Jolenny
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Thank you so much for sharing this, Nisha. In addition to all of this, something that worked for me was just to keep moving and spending time in my thoughts. Working out and taking yoga classes helped me push through the trenches. As much as I would – hate – to get up and work out as I’d much rather lie in bed, I knew that once I finished working out, I’d feel SO much better than if I had stayed home/inside sulking 🙂
Constantly reminding myself that “everything that happens is the best thing that can happen to me” was and still is a mantra I repeat and write down daily.
xo
That is a beautiful and a very empowering mantra Sabrina. The love you had for yourself through those times, and in your life, is truly inspiring ~ we are so grateful for your sharing and your courageous heart! Thank you for being you!! xo
Mmm…”everything that happens is the best thing that can happen to me” – Love it. Thanks for sharing, Sabrina 🙂
My life is fallinG apart, im STRUGGLING with HEARTACHE every SingLe day 🙁 its Unbearable.
SM, thank you for reading and for sharing your heart. I know it’s hard, and I know that with time, love and patience, your heart will heal. Imagine that it’s breaking OPEN, and in the long-run, that’s a blessing. Sending love…
I will never cease to be amazed by the timeliness of your posts. I am going through this exact situation right now. 4 year relationship that I thought was my forever, over. No signs, just done. I have started a life coaching business and am still in struggle start-up mode. I feel like a fraud as many of the areas of my life are falling down around me. This message couldn’t have come at a better time. It is exactly what I needed to hear. In someways I feel like you are a bit of a guardian angel for me. Thank you for your always honest, authentic and encouraging words.
I feel like I’m dying right now , total hopelessness and despair. I don’t have space in my heart for anymore spiritual lessons. I’m so tired.
Thank you so much. I’m going through this now, and even though I’m very young (22) I feel like I’ve lost the one. But there is enough time for me to find someone else, which also maybe the one! So actually there’s nothing to worry about.. When I was a kid I always wanted to be in long term relationships and would like to start setteling down at a young age. But now I’m focussing on being by myself and being happy with myself. I just hope everything happens for a reason. I know this breakup is a lesson for me. The guy was amazing, but the breakup was messy. It’s now two months later, and I still cry every morning. Still don’t like being all by myself and the tears only come when I’m alone. But I’m fine and can (almost) forget about it when I’m with friends. I’m thinking about doing yoga. I also like long walks in nature and last week I went to the forest alone with food and a book.. It was very ‘zen’:). I work out once in a while, and I have to focus on school. Just living day by day now. We dont have contact anymore. I will be so happy when I can wake up and it’s not the first thing I think about. I know this is still going to be a while, because 2 months after a severe heartbreak is not long after all.. Wish I could fastforward to next summer and hopefully feel a lot better!
But these kind of posts give me so much hope, give me the courage to move forward, and show me that I’m not alone. Thank you so much. I think I’ll come back to this article after a year and tell you about how everything is going!
This is exactly what I needed to hear at this time. I’ve read so much on this topic but your words really brought a calmness over me that I have been needing so badly. Thank you so much for sharing!