I’ve spent much of the last few years heartbroken.
I can say that now because the heartbreak has passed and the sting of its memory is gone. I’ve cried all the tears and wondered all the why’s, and now we are softened into the sweet relief of love.
I blame no one for my heartbreak, including myself.
We fell in love, broke up, never fell out of love, got back together, broke up, never fell out of love, got back together…
Never fell out of love.
Every couple has a different dance, and no dance is perfect for anyone else but that couple.
This has been our perfect dance.
We’ve danced this dance to be truer to ourselves, to be clearer in our commitments, to be more courageous in our actions, to be softer in our hearts.
We’ve danced this dance for our ancestors, our children, each other, and ourselves.
But this perspective on love and relating was hard-earned.
There were many times in the last few years when I felt like the compass in my heart pointed everywhere and nowhere at once. I felt lost in the space between yesterday and desire, unable to go back to yesterday, unable to find my way home.
In this space, I questioned my sense of inner-knowing, the worthiness of my desires, and the very nature of life and love.
In holding the hearts of many women as they’ve navigated this space, I know how common it is, and how painful it is to feel uncertain in love.
When our hearts feel shaky, it’s hard to feel secure.
When the very foundation of our hearts feels shaky or broken and we’re unable to find up from down, it’s hard to find our footing anywhere. Work feels more difficult, health is a greater challenge, confidence is thrown for a loop, and decision-making is more daunting.
At the same time, while we’re struggling to find our footing in love, we are also standing on the precipice of possibility.
The greatest gift of a shaky or uncertain heart is the opportunity to heal the hurts that we may not even have known were there – from our childhood, earlier relationships, even from our parents’ relationship – and discover a love that’s deeper than we have even imagined.
The great pain of heartbreak is the shattering of our attachments.
The great gift of heartbreak is the shattering of our attachments.
In the process of loving and losing, falling together and breaking open, I’ve learned a thing or two hundred about trusting deep knowing, releasing attachment, residing in the heart, and coming home to self-love, again, and again…and again, and again. The journey of loving another, at it’s core, is a journey home to ourselves. It tests our relationship with Source and our willingness to be here while we’re alive. It’s the medicine that guides us to grow through misery and dance with magic. It teaches us humility and majesty. It’s begs us to bow at the feet of the divine and our parents to say “Thank you. Thank you for this life. I am here, I am here, I am here.” It seduces us into the truth: That if we have the capacity to love another with such depth, then we must be love itself.
In navigating being single and dancing in togetherness, I’ve called on my dearest soul sisters for support and clarity, to help midwife me back to a deep trust in love and to help me navigate the twists and turns of relationship. As my friend Kavita has said to me many times, “You can’t mess it up if you’re being true to your heart.”
If you’re experiencing heartbreak, whether it’s a breakup, a struggling relationship, or a hard time finding true love, embrace it. I promise you – the love you seek can be found in the space between yesterday and your heart’s desire.
If you desire support in navigating this space, Kavita has created a video series called Soul Level Love that is both deeply practical and heart-warmingly wise. You can join here: Soul Level Love video series
—> In the comments below, I would love to hear from you. What heartbreak are you struggling with, and what is your heart’s true desire? If you’re on the other side of heartbreak, what wisdom can you share with those who are struggling? I can’t wait to connect, and to hold your desires in my heart…