“What do you think I should do?”
“I feel so confused.”
“I guess I should sit with this.”
“I just don’t know.”
Confusion is my kryptonite.
Everyone has challenging default states of being: some anger easily, others get sad, some disconnect emotionally, some – like me – get confused.
Confusion is my way of escaping from the present. I want something and I can’t put my finger on it. Or perhaps I’m actually afraid to see or claim it, because the pain of not having it seems too much to bear. This is so common for us – the pain of desire, the ache of wanting and not having, the frustration of confusion.
And if you default to confusion at times, like me, you may be finding yourself asking for a lot of advice. At times, I’ve found myself consulting my mom, my best friends, my boyfriend, the Goddess Cards, the reflexologist, the Akashic records, the intuitive coach, the therapist, the business coach, and the florist…all while looking for ‘signs’ from the universe.
And all these people and tools may be perfectly wonderful.
And none of them replace the wisdom of my heart.
Be mindful of your search for advice. When we ask for advice, hoping someone will tell us what to do but feeling disconnected from our own heart’s desire, we set ourselves up for even deeper disconnection. The hunt for advice only throws gasoline on the fire of uncertainty, creating an inferno of confusion.
Instead, when we seek support to hear our heart, clarity arises. From there, we can receive guidance and how-to’s that feel grounded, helpful and heart-led.
The truth is, feeling into the space between our future vision and our experience of today can create an ache in our hearts. It can hurt to want and not have. At times, sitting with that ache can be excruciating. But know that your willingness to do so, listening in to the guidance of your heart, will lead to heightened clarity, faster.
HOW TO HEAR YOUR HEART
› Share your desires in sisterhood. Talk about your vision for the future and any confusion you feel. If you want support, be specific that you’d love some guidance back to your desires. Ask them to hold your vision for you. Hold theirs.
› Create space in the morning. Before you touch your electronics, give yourself even just 2 minutes to say a sweet and grateful “hello” to your heart. Ask her, gently, if she has anything to share with you. Listen.
› Take time away from tech. Take the weekend off from your computer, TV and phone, and just be in the world. Appreciate the beauty of the world around you, and allow yourself to slow down and soften in.
› Eat slowly. Treat eating as a meditation and take your time to chew, savor and digest your food. When your parasympathetic nervous system is awakened, you feel more calm, grounded and connected. Hearing your heart will be easier.
› Stop trying to figure it out. Because trying harder isn’t working. Try easier.
—> In the comments below, share how you listen in to your heart, and what this post is inspiring in you
That was a fantastic article on listening to your heart. The suggestions are so simple, yet make a profound difference. I am healing from…doesn’t matter but I realize that loving myself is listening to heart. Reconnecting with my hearts desires.
Thank you! I am so happy I met you
I so relate to this and believe “confusion” is a major defense mechanism that i use from time to time. It goes even deeper than just staying stuck, because my confusion multiplies out of this annoying urge to people-please. When I have a few ideas on the table, there are lots of people involved, so, my confusion seems to just get out of hand.
I totally need to do a digital detox and just get back to basics. I actually just left this really crazy and toxic business networking facebook group (that had about 10 subgroups) because it was just too much information.
Overwhelm (not so far off from confusion) is my kryptonite! It stops me in my business, it used to drive me to hide in the pantry and stuff my face… I know it’s all in my head – which is why your five tips hit so close to home – they’re about getting back into your body and soul. It’s amazing how so many of us on the same path towards personal truth and freedom have come around to the same realizations! I find myself wishing I’d found you two years ago. Now, these pieces have become a huge part of my personal practice too… especially that last one! That took me a long time and is something I have to remember every day.
And when the overwhelm does hit, I’ve found I have to stop what I’m doing (even though that feels like the world/my business/everything I’ve worked for will crash down on my shoulders if I do) and take space to breathe and re-ground. Thank you for this beautiful reminder! Digital detox this weekend, indeed.
Timely post. I was just having a conversation this morning about accessing creativity, inner wisdom, and finding the strength, resolve, and inner guidance by taking breaks from technology and creating space for the heart to be heard. I was thinking of creating a work/creative day sans technology each week. Reading this post was further confirmation of being on the right track there.
I love the suggestions you have for listening to our hearts.
I absolutely love the suggestion to drop in with my heart to say hello in the morning. I’ll be putting that into practice starting tomorrow morning.
“Try easier” is really standing out to me here as well. This is a wonderful reminder. I think I’ll be posting this up on my wall 😉
Also, I love your suggestion about connecting in sisterhood with women that will help guide me back to my desires, and who will hold the vision (and I for them as well). I’m currently creating more sisterhood in my life, and this is just beautiful. In the meantime, I connect with people that aren’t quick to try and “save me,” but, instead, will hold space and help guide me back to my own wisdom.
Really love this post. Thank you <3
Rang very true for me, Nisha. I’m also a ‘confused’ type. Interesting to read it as a way of distracting you from what’s present.
Only yesterday, my mind was in shambles trying to come to a decision based on all the options I had flying like discs in the air. I was in the middle of writing to a Coaching group for support when I felt the need to stop, place my hand on my heart and listen. She said,”stop what you’re doing, go outside with a piece of paper and pen and just write.”
So, I did and the insight I got from writing was to release the mental anguish and not make any decisions yet. Once I let the mental chatter go, I was able to tune into how I was feeling, hear my heart and my body. I felt butterflies in my tummy and a whirring of excitement in my heart, telling me a different story to what my mind was agonising over.
I’m finding over the recent weeks while I’ve had lots going on, that most of my decisions don’t have to be made in the moment and by letting them go, the decision gets made by something/someone else or it just works out from me feeling into the situation.
I love your tips! Esp the morning routine, checking in on my heart.
Thank you! x
Nisha, thank you for you insights today. I never thought about confusion in this way. I’m in it right now and your message really hit home. I love the simple yet powerful ways to get through this. I’ve been saying to myself the answers are within me but pushing so hard to see and hear them. I want the answer NOW!! I think I’ve gotten so used to having my insight and feeling on my path that this confusion has really startled me. I believe I’m on the cusp of something big. I will heed your advise and stop pushing – I will calmly and reverently listen. Thank you for creating this space!
I cannot begin to tell you just how much this post has given me relief! Confusion has been my default too, it’s tripped me up time and time again. It’s such a relief to read this and to know it’s okay, and as always that it’s not unique to just me 😉 Your tips on how to deal with it confirm what my intuition has been whispering but I’ve been ignoring.
It’s now more than ever I needed to here this too 🙂
Thankyou…
Loved the article.
Find it so accurate to any situation.
I’ve found myself asking for signals so many times & yet feeling so bad for “not finding them when I asked for”. Then realized the answer is in me, just that I don’t let myself talk.
I do yoga to connect, also love meditating before getting up from bed, listening to music, dancing, writing & drawing are so useful to me too. Those activities help me connect & feel amazing!
Not only do I give myself the opportunity to calm down & breathe, but it’s a fantastic time that I cherish because it feels good & in every single one of those things I’m following my heart effortlessly n.n
Hi Nisha. This is my first posting on your blog/site…This topic just spoke to my heart and I am typically pretty good at listening EXCEPT when I am in confusion/fear. In this last 6-9 months I have been confused over my VERY intuitive jump into a career (first ever!) two years ago …I have since been introduced to BSchool and SO much has come into my mind and heart that has now ratcheted up the quarterly confusion to a full on FUNK. I am feeling very much like your opening section mentions and I am asking EVERYONE externally because either I’m afraid of the answer or I am just NOT meant to know yet. It feels almost cruel to put such inspiration and phenomenal people and resources in my life and then make my next steps AND my ultimate vision now cloudy. What do you do when you DON’T KNOW what your GUT/Universe/God/etc…is saying?!! I am frozen and just causing, NOW, financial fear to creep in as well…. Thanks for letting me vent and speaking EXACTLY to what I am struggling with this very moment!!!
Nisha, I absolutely adore this post! It’s so funny because I was going to make a video about this very topic because I think it’s so true. The other day I was offered an opportunity which would be a big change for me – but it meant I’d have to let go of something in my life which I was already pretty happy with. My first instinct was to call my dad and talk it out, but I already knew – in my heart of hearts – that I wanted to take the opportunity, even if it meant letting go of what I had (which is a hard and sad thing to do). It was the first time I mindfully made the decision to listen to my heart instead of asking everyone for their advice, and it felt good!
I’ve been meditating daily for the past two weeks, and that’s been helping me a lot to listen to my heart. I find silence and being alone also helps me get to grips with decisions and new ideas. Thanks for sharing this post, it was beautifully written and really hit home 🙂
Thanks for your posts- this week and last. They have felt as if they were written directly- seriously, directly to me. I am grateful. I’ve felt stuck in my relationship situation for two years now- paralyzed, unable to make a decision. There are so many competing voices at this point that it’s like being at a cocktail party where there are 20 conversations going on at once and you’re not part of any of them. Last week I stopped trying so hard to “fix it”…this week, I’m going to try to listen to the smaller voice inside me, the one that is often drowned out by the noise. Thanks, Nisha…
This is a great article. I have also spent much time in confusion, and truthfully it’s a really uncomfortable place to be. After years of consulting “oracles”, be they friends, astrologers, counselors, or the “signs” that show up, I have been learning to slow down, drop in, and listen to myself. One of the most helpful things for me is to go for a walk in nature. It helps me get quiet and listen, as well as move confusing energy through me so that I can feel clear again.
Oh mannn! What a loving article!! Listening to your heart is so powerful and yet can be so so hard for many. Thank you for sharing! 🙂