I was about to press Publish and I was sweating. For the previous 3 hours, as I sat on a train from Boston to New York City, I’d been dodging all of the voices of dissent: “This is too much”; “Is this just creative masturbation?”; “This isn’t your journal, this is your blog”; “Is this even going to be helpful for people?” The chatter was loud, and it took every ounce of willpower I had to gently shush the voices and keep.on.writing.
Unraveling into self love was a plunge into even deeper waters of vulnerability through my writing. It wasn’t my first blog post that I’d describe as “vulnerable”, but it was beyond an edge I’d previously crossed, and the first rewards I received for my courage were sweaty armpits and eyes that stung from the emotion of reliving the story I was telling.
I was petrified.
My critter brain was reminding me that I was about to jump off the edge of a cliff and would surely die, but my cerebral cortex was having a conversation with my heart, and they were in agreement: “This is helpful, this is relevant, this is true”, I kept reminding myself.
Publish.
Helpful, relevant and true:
I’ve come to understand that these are critical components to The Art of Vulnerability, because without any one of them, there’s a thread of inauthenticity that puts the kibosh on even the best of intentions.
Here are 4 questions to ask yourself, to ensure your bases are covered…
1. WHAT’S CURRENT FOR ME & RELEVANT TO THEM?
When thinking of a topic to write on, ask yourself: what’s going on in your life and how is it relevant to your readers? For example, if you’re a financial adviser, you may have had an epiphany in the checkout line and can see a way that it relates to your readers’ desire to overcome overspending. To do this requires creative thinking and a desire to serve your readers based on what they want to learn, not just what you want to talk about. You have to know who you’re speaking to — what are their hopes, fears, dreams and desires? And how can your life stories be of service?
2. IS IT TIME?
Sometimes things that are current are a little too current, if you know what I mean. When you’re “in it”, it may not be time to share. When I went through my divorce, I didn’t talk about it publicly for quite a while (a year?). Why? Several reasons: I was swimming in it and therefore lacked perspective; I hadn’t learned my own lessons yet, so I clearly wasn’t fully ready to be of service to others in the same space; I needed my friends and family to support me through it, not my beloved readers (and everyone else on the internet); it just didn’t feel right…until it felt right. Speak when you have something helpful to share, when you have some perspective, and when your gut says it’s time.
3. WHAT AM I COMMITTED TO?
For goodness sakes, know what the point of your story is, and don’t make it all about you. Perhaps this goes without saying, but every person on the planet has – at one point or another – found themselves boasting. There’s nothing wrong with sharing your proud accomplishments, but share them because there’s a teachable lesson to share. Before you write a thing, notice where you’re coming from. Is it generous? What do you want them to get out of it?
4. AM I BEING REAL, FOR REAL?
Inauthenticity truly stinks. If you can smell your half-truths and platitudes, we can too. Notice whether you’re dialing it up or down while you’re writing. Are you trying to sound cool? Or normal? Or edgy, smart, funny, profound, inspiring or wise? Your vulnerable sharing may be poetic or conversational, but you know if it’s coming from your heart. Be moved by the truth, and we’ll be moved by you.
Once you’ve answered these questions with honesty, the fun really begins. Your mind may still play plenty of tricks on you, in an attempt to keep you from taking risks. Keep checking in and asking, “Is this helpful, relevant and true?” throughout, and scan it before publishing with your authenticity radar on high. If indeed it is, have the courage to follow your heart, and you’re beginning to master The Art of Vulnerability.
—> In the comments below, share with us how you keep it real through your writing, while connecting with your readers.
Nisha – thanks for being vulnerable. I like what you said about checking in and asking “is it helpful, relevant, and true?” Good direction to steer by with writing, coaching, and life 🙂
Writing, coaching, and life indeed!
Thanks for reading, Jenni.
xo
Nisha
Nisha this a wonderful post. One of my intentions for 2013 was to allow myself to be more vulnerable with the people in my life and also with the posts that I share on my blog. I appreciate the vulnerability in your writing because it inspires me to continue to dig a little deeper and recognize that what I share can also be of service.
I completely agree that whatever you share needs to come from a place authenticity and to avoid sharing anything if you’re still sitting in your ‘stuff’ – p.s unraveling into self love is my favourite post of yours!
Thank you so much for sharing this, Chivon.
I so appreciate you sharing that it’s making
a difference for you!
What’s your fave vulnerable post of yours?
With Love,
Nisha
Nisha thank you !
Thank you, Yana!
Yes, I’m going through this. I don’t even have a blog yet but I’m doing some micro-blogging (as they call it) on Facebook, and my most personal post was the most shared. Writing it was serious “flow” – but hitting publish took some courage. You can actually FEEL IT in your body when the writing is honest (and subsequently powerful). I don’t know how quite to describe it, but it’s a strong and recognizable feeling.
Totally, Camila. Are you going to start a blog?
xo
Nisha
I always enjoy reading what you have to say Nisha! I can definitely relate to needing time and perspective before sharing certain things — and you know what sometimes it’s a divorce or a new adventure. It’s all about being ready. A question I ask myself is, “Am I sharing this to get a response or a rise out of people or is this coming from a genuine place?” Genuine should always win! Lot of love to you and thanks for sharing!
I absolutely love your question, Thérèse!
Genuine should always win.
Much love,
Nisha
Yes, I’m in the thick of it at the moment and do hesitate to write about it. This post showed me that it’s better to be out of it before writing about it so I can look back from a more settled place and see which lessons I learned that I can pass on to someone else. Sometimes putting your vulnerability out in the open when your in the thick of it can sound a bit self serving and maybe whiney–I think and no one really learns any lessons.
Yes, trust your gut on this one, for sure.
There’s always something else we can write
about when the thing that’s most heavy is
too current to share.
Much love,
Nisha
I stopped sharing , on Facebook especially, because it felt too raw. I now realize that the times I felt unhappy with what I had shared were the times I pushed – and the times I didn’t let my heart truly guide the conversation. I posted because I felt like I had to ‘say something’. Of course, everyone else could see through through that too! I now only share when I am in the flow, and ask those same wonderful questions you shared with us up there Nisha – is it helpful, is it relevant, is it true?
Much love,
Love this Heba, and I so support you and your precious flow sister xo
Hi Nisha, Reading this brought up a lot of memories of when I first emailed family and friends about my website and then started my Facebook page and gulp – invited girls from college / high school to like it. It was a right of passage. I was finally accepting the struggle I had gone through, reflecting and learning from it. But I literally felt like I was walking through fire. Until then, I had only been publishing my work for strangers to read and that was easy. But the fear of being judged by the people that knew me best was terrifying. I remember when I hit that button, adrenaline and blood rushing in my ears, ‘invite.’ I was shocked when I began to receive encouragement and appreciation from others. Not only were they routing for me, they were touched and felt inspired to share their own gifts. That is what finding and reading your personal posts has done for me. It encouraged me to embrace my pain, heal, learn from it, and share. And that’s what I try to do for each of my articles now <3 Thanks for another great post!
Thank you Alicia, I truly feel that one of the best ways to invite and welcome others into our journey is by sharing ourselves as we are, in the moment…no judgement, no fixing~ just a display of the many ways in which we embrace ourselves in the unfolding, and it sounds as though you are doing just that. Thank you for sharing you sister xo
This is gold. Truly.
Thank you Annie, love you and think that YOU are gold <3
Just in Divine time. I love this topic, Nisha. When I first started my health coaching business, I opened up deeply about my unhealthy stress-filled grad school days–which resulted in a 10 year relationship breakup and a miscarriage. I shared details that both my family and tribe were surprised to hear since I’m such a grounded, happy person. But speaking my experience felt right and good at the time and it was well-received.
NOW, 3 years later, I’m learning to be vulnerable with a man again. I’m constantly thinking about if I shared too much or not enough. Recently, I just lost two of my beloved dogs 3 weeks apart from each other. This has completely torn my heart to shreds, but my now partner has completely held and supported me through this as I broke down and opened up to him about EVERYTHING I have been feeling about my pups, life, my ex, miscarriage. I was raw, with tears, and not caring about awkwardness. I have my days, but he has been the most gentle soul about it. Thank you for this today…sometimes we’re pushed into vulnerability without realizing it…just seize the moment and listen to your heart. <3 Namaste sister
Magical moments happen when we listen to our hearts Mia, and what a beautiful gift you have given those around you by allowing them to hold you and be there for you when you have needed it, Sending you, your loved ones, and the angel pups much love, so grateful for you xo
Wise OMazing Woman Nisha – yum – Art of Vulnerability – great guidelines and juicy words – thahahahank you 4 shahaharing
Thank you Goddess, loving you sister and thank you for being here xo
Brilliant. Love it. Great post. Just great 😀
How I keep my writing authentic + vulnerable … I feel how it feels in my body. And I pretend like I’m writing to a friend. Would I actually say those words aloud? Then I feel it in my body. Depth? Alignment? Cringe? My body gives me the feedback.
<3
Our bodies can truly communicate and guide us in such ways…thank you for listening to yours Beth xo
I LOVE this post. I believe one of the most important things we can do – is to be genuine. The universe and everyone in it – need us to be EXACTLY who we are – if we stray from that, we’re doing ourselves and others a disservice. I do, however struggle with being authentic, without over-sharing – I’m definitely and over-sharer (or at least sometimes I feel like it) – maybe that’s just something that happens being genuine in a not-so-genuine world? Either way – love the questions to ask ourselves in these situations – VERY helpful and I’m incredibly thankful for your wise words, as always! Thanks Nisha! <3
We are absolutely needed exactly as we are Andrea, and thank you for being just that for us all….sending you much love sister xo
Thank you Nisha for the insight, inspiration and ability to share from a space of love. In a society where over sharing has become common. it is refreshing to remember that there is a season for sharing…
What a gift it is to share, and I thank you for doing just that now Jennifer, grateful to have you here love xo
Nailed it, Nisha. I REALLY enjoyed this post.