A few months ago, I decided to travel to Peru. It’s been a dream of mine to see Machu Picchu for over a decade, so when I found out my friend Michael Costuros was leading a trip with a small group of entrepreneurs, I signed up.
As I sat on my boyfriend’s sun drenched livingroom floor that day, just one click away from purchasing my flight, I paused. “Babe, am I crazy for doing this?”, I asked with a nervous laugh. I wasn’t actually looking for his answer — I was really asking myself if I was ready to take this leap into the unknown…
I only knew one of the people taking the trip.
I knew I would be asked to share vulnerably with strangers.
I knew nothing about the safety of Peru.
It was a major investment.
What if I didn’t like it and was stuck?
What if my clients needed me and the wifi didn’t work?
What if I should be spending the money on something else?
What if I felt lonely?
It was a step outside of my comfort zone.
I had to say yes.
Today, sitting on my boyfriend’s sun drenched livingroom floor after having just landed back in the US, I couldn’t be happier that I did. I made new lifelong friends, I have beautiful memories that will stay with me always, I had an experience of awakening that enlivens and enriches the way I move through life, and I have integrated lessons that will improve the lives of others.
When so much good happens when we take the leap, why do we stay in our comfort zone?
Sure, we won’t have to face our fears. But mostly, we won’t have to face our greatness.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” – Marianne Williamson
Instead of taking the leap, we make reasons for staying in our comfort zones.
I’ve had many:
I wanted to grow my business, but didn’t want to invest in a coach.
I wanted to travel, but was waiting until I had the money or time.
I wanted to see my family more often, but was so busy with my business.
I wanted my marriage to improve, but wouldn’t spend the money on therapy.
Looking back on each of these, it wasn’t the lack of time or money that was in the way, it was my reasons.
I thought I was “going with the flow”, waiting for things to happen in a way that felt easy and with minimal effort, but I was actually being passive. Going with the flow is active — it means following the whispers of our desires with curiosity, honesty and creativity.
The truth was that I was afraid to swim outside of my comfort zone, but everything I wanted was just on the other side of the boundaries I had created for myself.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anaïs Nin
What’s at the edge of your comfort zone?
1. Travel alone: For years, I envied women who felt confident and secure enough to travel alone. It seemed so scary to me. What if I got lost or hurt? What if I can’t manage to learn the language? Worse, what if I felt the bottomless despair of loneliness? At the same time, there was something that seemed so liberating about a woman taking a trip without the comforts of what’s familiar. I longed to be one of these women. A woman who would invest her time and money in herself in this way. A woman who had the courage to step into the world without the comfort of what she knows. I had no idea how profoundly nourishing traveling alone would be. As with this Peru trip, I often plan to meet people in the locations I’m traveling to, but it is a freeing experience to set off by myself. If this is at the edge of your comfort zone, take the leap, and choose a place that exhilarates you.
2. Make eye contact with strangers: My friend, Michael, who organized the Peru trip, shared the story of his friend: she realized that she had been subconsciously avoiding eye contact with strangers for years. In a gentle effort to be more willing to be seen, she committed to making eye contact and saying hello with everyone she passed on the sidewalk for one day. The exercise was so enriching and powerful for her, that she has continued it to this day, years later. Avoiding eye contact is so common, we almost never consider it. There’s something simply beautiful about allowing others to see us, and seeing them. We live amongst humans. I invite you to step out of your tiny experience to experience them.
3. Try a forbidden food: My friend and client, Alexandra Jamieson, recently “came out” as no longer being vegan. For someone who co-produced the documentary Super Size Me and wrote 3 books on the virtues of veganism, this was definitely a leap off the edge of her comfort zone. She was afraid of the backlash she would face, but she was more afraid of hiding in the shadows and never expressing her truth, so she had to jump. All of this was precipitated by Alex’s willingness to try “forbidden” foods, because her body was asking for them. Most of us have foods we’re afraid to try, either because of the taste or our fear of what effect they’ll have on us. Are you willing to expand your palette to experience more of life?
4. Share yourself authentically: One of the biggest fears we face is of being seen exactly as we are — for people to bear witness to our innermost insecurities. We slap on makeup, spray tan and a smile to show the world that we’re okay, and unconsciously create stock responses to common questions. “How’s married life?”… “Oh, you know. Relationships are hard, but we’re working on it every day!” What does that even mean? I invite you to step out of your comfort zone and tell someone what’s really going on in your heart. The key here is to watch out for the pitfalls of shaming, complaining and commiserating. Rather than making this about how someone or something else is bad or wrong, share how you feel and what you desire. To do this authentically, make it about you.
Today, choose one of the above and stretch yourself to do it, even if you have reasons why you can’t. You’re smart and creative — you can find a way. Do it in the name of expanding your comfort zone. Even if things don’t go how you want them to, see it as a success because you went for it.
When you stay within the cozy confines of your comfort zone, life becomes dull, uninspired, small. Rather than evolve into possibility, you shrivel into predictability.
When you swim out of your comfort zone, you become the creator of your life in a world of possibility. {tweet it}
“With passion pray.
With passion work.
With passion make love.
With passion eat and drink and dance and play.
Why look like a dead fish in this ocean of Love?”
– Rumi
Join the discussion in the comments below, and share what you will do in the name of expanding your comfort zone.
Gorgeous, Nisha. I especially see this in terms of wanting to grow, but not wanting to put the time/money/ resources in it. (especially in business and in love.) Today, I will budget and book to see a therapist a min of three times a month to begin to share myself authentically in a safe space.
xo
Brilliant, Awo Love.
Investing in a great therapist is
one of the best choices I’ve made.
You are amazing!
Love,
Nisha
This is so inspiring! I have also pondered solo foreign travel for several years and have always thought up excuses to not do it. I might need to revisit this dream!
Thank you, Victoria!
Instead of pondering revisiting the dream,
just go for it, sister. It will be so worth
it, regardless of what unfolds.
What if you were to just put the date and
location in your calendar right now?
Are you willing to take that leap?
Cheering you on,
Nisha
Thank you for your authenticity in writing this blog.
In the name of expansion I’ve just enrolled in an event in LA where I will be in the same room with coaches I’ve always dreamed of rubbing shoulders with.
A leap + a dream come true.
Sounds super fun, Caroline!
Remember to own your unique
brilliance when you’re in
their presence. You have
a valuable gift to share.
xo
Nisha
This is a great post-trip blog. I love how you reported honestly and authentically how it was for you before, during,and after, and you also made it purposeful for self and others with suggestions about getting outside of our comfort zones. I hope I can make it to one of these trips with Michael sooner than later…
I will stretch myself to not only make eye contact with strangers, but also engage into conversations. I love to connect with people, and at the same time- afraid of being judged or not be approved of.
Again, great write-up!
Best,
~Mariana
Thanks so much, Mariana 🙂
I can certainly relate to having the
natural human desire for connection,
yet feeling afraid of being judged or
feeling like an outsider. I have felt
that way, too.
The irony, of course, is that we desire
connection, but hold ourselves back
from having it. I am cheering for you
as you step into the pleasure of creating
deeper connections.
Much love,
Nisha
Hmm… There are so many leaps that I’d like to make. For one, I’ve been honoring my body’s craving occasionally to eat eggs (I’m typically vegan). I have felt like I need to hold this back for fear of judgment (and maybe even the end of a friendship!).
I also want to travel. I’ve been dreaming of the west coast for a while now, so it’s more than coincidence that someone asked me today if I’d be interested in traveling to the west coast with them and that a friend of mine in LA offered me her coach. I also have an apartment I can stay at in Portland, courtesy of a friend. I’m in a job commitment until the end of September, so that will the date of the start of my new journey! 😀
Shannon! I admire your
courage, sister. Thank
you so much for sharing
your body’s desires here.
Your body is so wise.
Enjoy your travels.
Be sure to block that time
out on your calendar now!
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha,
Thank you for writing this so ‘swimmingly’ 🙂
I read it late yesterday and it was on my mind while falling asleep. It made me realize that I have many of the opposites going on, namely traveling alone has always felt natural, (cross country road trips, swimming with wild dolphin retreats, etc) and that my ‘out of comfort zone’ is more when I think of coordinating trips WITH others (except for in the case of an intimate partner adventures).
This exact quote from Marianne is in the first chapter of my book. It’s amazing how many times I can re-read it and STILL get chills for the layers of significance it holds.
Thank you for sharing your adventures and lessons with us.
I have a trip to plan. Now I’ll approach its planning differently – WITH others will be my new way of ‘swimming out of my waters’…
LOVE and congrats on this amazing trip!
Cat 🙂
Cat, you should come on a retreat
when I lead one! It’s so nourishing
to travel with kind-hearted women.
Would love to have you.
xo
Nisha
Nisha! This was the perfect timing for me as I’m in a huge growth period for my business and myself. This quote “When you stay within the cozy confines of your comfort zone, life becomes dull, uninspired, small. Rather than evolve into possibility, you shrivel into predictability.” Rang every bell in my head…. I’ve been feeling dull, inspired, and small. I used to push the barriers quite a bit and in the last 6 months I’ve become comfortable, too comfortable. This was the extra push to tackle some of those pieces on my “grow my biz” list that I was shying away from. Thank you! xo
Hi Katie!
Way to move out of the confines of comfort, sister.
It’s not “easy”, but it’s so much more fulfilling than
stagnation and complacency.
What’s on your “grow my biz” list?
Much love,
Nisha
Nisha, this is so awesome. Travel has long been on my “bucket list” and this is the first year where I’ve really been stepping into the, “No, I don’t have to wait… I can do it now” mentality. When people ask, “What lights you up?” my answer has always been: travel, adventure, talking to people who just want to riff on the topics I want to riff on… and I’ve been doing that, but not REALLY doing that. I agree, it’s all about stepping into it, but I also think it doesn’t have to be super scary. It’s just a matter of how you frame it. When I’m in the place of fear, everything seems scary. But when I get into the place of excitement, love, and adventure, then I feel unstoppable. So, while I agree that we all need to get out there, I don’t think it has to be super over-the-edge-scary. Not that that is what you are saying, but I do think this is what a lot of people think “stepping outside their comfort zone” means.
Lots of love to you. Sooo love seeing you step more and more into who you really are. xo
Love this, Sheila.
I agree, too, that it’s time
to start living the bucket
list…we never know how
long we have!
Much love,
Nisha
It surprises me to hear how many women are afraid to travel by themselves. I’ve traveled to Australia, Italy and France–completely by myself!! I organized all the trips myself, and on the Australia trip, I took my 2 small children–all by myself!! I love traveling by myself. I realized after going through 2 divorces and feeling the loneliness–that if I didn’t do the things I wanted to do in my life–by myself–not waiting for someone–then I would never do them. Traveling alone, I can do exactly what I want to do, when I want and for as long as I want. My next trip to Europe, I plan to do a bike trip. Although on the trip I won to Paris, I was with a group when I arrived there, I must admit it was great to experience Paris with this group that became fast friends. I love to travel!!
Very inspiring, Gayle!
Thanks for sharing 🙂
Hi Nisha!
I read this post while I was traveling alone in Dublin just a few days ago. Even though I knew it was a relatively safe city where people spoke my language I still felt out of sorts and wanted to close off a few times. I even became home sick for a minute! I knew it was just my fear of being uncomfortable in a new place and being alone. After reading this post I realized being alone in Dublin gave me the opportunity to open up in a way I could not in my comfortable home city. I made a point to not only accept the time alone, but to cherish it, so I could re-connect with myself. To do this in a foreign city is really magical. I ended up having a really great time exploring the city and even had dinner alone where I had the opportunity to strike up a conversation with a nice Dubliner 🙂
Thank you!
Michelle
Michelle, you’ve got me in happy tears over here!
Thank you so much for sharing this with us, sister.
It’s amazing what unfolds when we allow ourselves
to slow down and savor exactly what’s in front of us.
Your story is so inspiring. Thank you again.
With Love,
Nisha
Dear Nisha,
I loved to read your words, thank you so much.
Stepping outside my comfort zone means for me at this point in my life daring to become sexual in the presence of women, verifying if my fears and apprehension that women can stand it are still true, testing if that gift I would love to share with women might be welcome or not.
Not comfortable! Yet, if I don’t go their, I avoid my soul, so one step after the other. Writing you this, is another step. Thank you for giving me this chance.
With gentleness,
Nema
Witnessing you and appreciating you, Nema.
Thank you for your bold vulnerability and
willingness to blossom in our view.
Much Love,
Nisha
I will flesh out my ideal client avatar and launch the 2 new 1:1 offerings I dreamed up a couple nights ago.
I know I’ve been resisting getting super clear on my target audience so I can stay obscure and not hustle to my Right People.
I’m tired of feeling like I’m under-performing, and I’m daring myself to “leave the city of my comfort and go into the wilderness of my intuition” like Alan Alda said.
Thank you so much for this, Nisha; today was the perfect time for me to reread this article and actually decide to act on it.
Love love,
Otiti
my sister you did a good job in this article , I used to think by staying small in my eyes I was humble not knowing I was debraving others the spark to light up their path in life. thanks dear, you touched me
Thank you so much for your beautiful words Muguphilip 🙂
Amazing! Just what i needed to hear!
I’m going to go with eye contact. Im also Going to a class tonight that i’ve been meaning to do for ages.
Thanks so much Nisha, what a beautiful post x
Thank you so much for your comment, Jessica, and thanks for reading!
I absoutely loved the way you write. Penned from your heart, yet articulate. The Marianne Willaimson quote was the killer. It suddenly pushed a whole new way of approaching the subject and was like… knock,knock… “Hey! how mundane and boring had my thoughts been all this while”. Really inspiring. Hope it will lead me to break away from my very own insecurities, easier said than done though. Cheers.
I am so glad this speaks to you and allows you to give yourself some compassion and inspiration. <3