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The world will be set free by women who are free. Sisterhood is the key.

What women ache for.

I’ve played out the same relationship dynamic over and over in my life:
I put 110% of my focus on him – on us – until he feels overwhelmed and suffocated, then runs for his freedom. As a result, I feel unloved and uncared for and he feels like a selfish jerk. They can never give me enough love and I can never give them enough space. It’s happened too many times to ignore.

Last week, I took a beautiful drive with my man to Santa Cruz. The view:

We were having a very typical conversation, asking each other things like, “What are 1-3 things you think I should focus on this year?” and “Where do you want to make sure you travel to this year?”.  After an amazing conversation, we made a big decision: to each travel solo for a month! I felt the ache of missing him in advance, but still, I knew it would be great for us.

Looking out at the sun setting over the horizon, I saw a whole empty month stretched out in front of me. What will I do? Where will I go? And…what do I really want?

Listening into my desires over the next few days, I had some clear ideas of where I wanted to travel – Central America – but what I really noticed was that I ached to feel connected.  And that’s when it hit me in a truly embodied way (it’s one thing to understand something in our mind; it’s another to feel it): my clingy nature in relationships simply comes from an ache for connection, and because I put most of that desire on a man, I always end up feeling lack.  No one person can give us all of our love.

I knew this before, but now I really saw it.  It was time to get even closer with the women in my life – more time, more depth, more revealing.  I am not a lone wolf; I am a creature of community. I am a woman.  I need my sisters.

What women ache for is connection, and where we can always find it is in sisterhood. {tweet it}

When I listened to that ache, in just 1 week, miraculous things began to unfold…

I was invited to join a women’s walking group in San Francisco.

Walking Group
This morning, 7 of us took a beautiful group walk to the Golden Gate bridge.  We walked and talked about business, life, love, travel and interior decorating.  Soul breakfast.

I was invited to stay with friends in Costa Rica and Panama.

Screen shot 2013-01-25 at 1.32.09 PM
My friends and former clients, Lisa Fabrega and Lindsay Wilson, are fellow adventurers and world travelers.  When I connected with each of them this week, they invited me to join them on their individual journeys to Panama and Costa Rica.  Yes please!  The trip was beginning to take shape…

I was invited to a bachelorette party in Puerto Vallarta.

puerto vallarta
Another girlfriend sent me a text message: “Any interest in coming to my bachelorette party in Puerto Vallarta?”.  What do you know, I thought, it works out perfectly with the rest of my travels.  Yes.  Here’s the trippy part: just 2 days later, when I shared the exciting travel plan developments with Sarah Jenks, she said “I’m going to a bachelorette party in Puerto Vallarta the previous weekend — want to come early and spend a week on the beach with me?”.  February was starting to look awesome.

I was invited on a spontaneous girls’ trip to Guatemala.

Libby and Paula
When I moved to Jersey City, I had no friends there.  I was lonely, broke, confused about many aspects of my life, and truly starting from scratch.  Within the first year, I met Liz Long and Paula Orozco. These women saved me. They became some of my closest friends, allies and confidants. We’ve held hands at doctors offices and divorce court. We’ve slept on each other’s couches and beds. We’ve consumed more tea together than some small countries consume annually. We all married around the same time, we all started businesses around the same time, we all divorced around the same time, then we all found new love around the same time.  A few months ago, we celebrated Liz’s wedding.  When Paula sent a text message this morning requesting a girls’ trip to Guatemala, it was an easy yes.  We all live in different cities now, but we are careful to nurture this important friendship.

If there is anything I have learned in this life, it is how much women need one another.

So many of us walk through life, without nurturing deep and meaningful relationships with women.  And yet, women are creatures of community.  Since the beginning of humankind, we have lived together; communed in red tents together; fed and bathed one another’s babies; loved and supported one another.

If we are to ever stand a chance at raising future generations that don’t battle with deep insecurities, body image issues, and unhealthy relationships with men, women, ourselves and the planet, it will be the result of cultivating sisterhood.  Your sisterhood is a gift to us all.

When I leaned into my desires to travel and connect with my sisters, I was showered with invitations from the women in my life to travel and connect.  Magical things happen when we’re open to sisterhood.

What will you do to deepen your experience of sisterhood this week?

In the comments below, please share.

15 Comments

  1. I try not to admit it to people (or even to myself) that I have a very similar pattern when it comes to relationships. Experiencing that pattern has been painful and makes me feel really bad about myself. Hearing another person admit to having a similar pattern was like a sigh of relief. Thanks for sharing so candidly and for showing how you have found balance through sisterhood 🙂

  2. So reflects my experience. In fact, when I saw that you had posted that you’d be traveling solo in Feb a few days ago, I felt that heartaching stab of loneliness that I’ve felt so many times in the past when my man pushed away from me. And one of the things I’ve been SO impressed and inspired by about you is how well you are able to give him his space while at the same time staying connected to yourself. I wish I had learned that one earlier in my life.

    Yes, sisterhood, it’s where it’s at. So glad to call you my sista, Nisha.

  3. Thank you so much for this! I’m definitely experiencing the ‘ache’ for more meaningful connections! This past year I’ve been travelling around the world with my boyfriend and it has been absolutely amazing for our relationship and for our spiritual growth together! Still, I long for some quality bonding through sisterhood. Going back to beautiful Vancouver mid Feb and my intention is to meet more like minded women to connect with, to lift each other up and to grow. Sending my intention out to the Universe right now 🙂

    • I’ve been aching for a more meaningful sisterhood in my life as well, I live on Vancouver Island, so after you move to Vancouver, if you want to come to the island we should definitely connect 🙂

      • Khadia,

        I’m from Vancouver Island as well! Victoria, to be specific 🙂 I’m there quite often.

  4. Wowwwww it’s so amazing all that happened within a week! Epic life you’re leading sista. Thanks for the inspiration! xo Beth

  5. I love this Nisha. I can’t wait to hang out in SF 🙂

  6. I am totally similar to you in relationships with men. However, I don’t have the time or the opportunity to travel as much as you.

  7. Hello Beautiful Nish!
    I have been working with you for over a year, surrounding myself with sisterhood galore, and still knew there was more for me to uncover.

    My sisterhood is virtual.
    My best friends live across the US.
    I have met so many great women from working online.
    One problem : I do not have a local sisterhood.

    This post was the kick in the pants I needed to set something up. I have decided by the end of this week I will have set up an Indianapolis Sisterhood group. My intention is to take the sisterhood offline once each month.

    I hope that many other women will follow suit and surround yourself with in-person sisterhood along with virtual sisterhood. Especially so for those women who are not in large cities.
    Love & Peace

  8. What an amazing blog and thank you for sharing!
    I am longing for the sisterhood – but surprise myself with doing the “manthing” – solo traveling to India – it might just be my sisterhood waiting for me there or just a great adventure. Doing something for fun and not work is a major step, sisterhood or not! thanks for being my inspiration <3 I love you Sista Nisha!

  9. I love full circles.

    A day or two ago I watched the video you did for the Pleasure, Passion and Feminine Power party. I was really struck when you said “So it’s a year from now, and everything has just worked out great.”

    It felt so simple and easy and natural, compared to other questions I’ve heard like “where do you want to be a year from now?” which feels forced, like I should be doing something other than I am. This just felt like “Aaaaahhh… Yes! If everything is easy and just flows downhill this year, what the hell WOULD I be doing?”

    It reminded me of a question I saw recently another blog, which was “What would you be doing with your life if you weren’t dieting?” and it brought me to the question of, “What would I be doing with my life if I weren’t always working on building my business?”

    While I love my husband and daughter, what came up most for me was finding, fostering and enjoying my connections with other amazing women. Having FUN talking, playing and creating together. (And, of course, the tears, which are why everyone who loves me calls me “Weepy Wendy”) 🙂

    What you said in the video about “go out and do what you are talking about” was refreshing for me, because I HAVE always done that, but I realize that with a new(ish) baby, it’s a slightly different answer than it used to be…And isn’t coming quite as easily.

    I was also thrilled to immediately head out to an event later that night where I meant two women and had super sweet connections. One of them was a living, breathing example of the ideal client I’ve been wanting to serve, but couldn’t put my finger on defining.

    (Someone who wants to have a baby sometime, wants to do a bang-up job as a parent, and doesn’t feel ready yet, but is feeling pressured by a biological clock (their own or their partner’s).

    Glad to share. I would welcome connection, in many forms, from anyone reading this who is inspired to connect as friends, clients, collaborators, whatever…

    Shoot me an email at wendy at oneamazingmom dot com.

    Warmly,
    Wendy
    xoxo

    P.S. — Also appreciate your transparency, Nisha, because that relationship dynamic has never been an issue for me, and I just love how we can all be an inspiration to each other in so many different realms.

  10. “We’ve consumed more tea together than some small countries consume annually.”
    This really made me crack up, has it perfectly explains my own friendships as well!

    This is SUCH a well-written post, Nisha, it really resonated with me! It’s seriously amazing that you managed to manifest so much amazing travel into your life just by clearing the mental blocks that were unintentionally holding you back. I’m kind of in awe – want to pass some of that travel & community luck onto me, hehe?

    To be honest, I LONG for the kind of sisterhood you’re currently experiencing – the women who walk together who talk about their lives, the women who casually meet up on beaches for girl time – I find it incredibly hard to find people who can, I don’t know, GIVE themselves that much? It’s almost like, to a point, what happened with you and past boyfriends happens with me and people I want to be friends with sometimes, except it’s hard for me to find a balance because if I don’t reach out to people I don’t acquire new friends, and if I do I MIGHT come on too strong (I’m not actually sure that’s even true, all to say I really feel the lack of sisterhood in my life, no matter how much I try to find it.)

    Thanks so much for this, and have an amazing time traveling in February – let me know how Costa Rica goes, I was there for a week about 4 years ago and haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.

    – Laura 🙂

  11. so question? so what if you want to just do what you can to help the world but might feel like your having a hard time doing it cause there isn’t anyone that seems to want to join on that journey. what if you believe you have a soul mate but have know idea who they actually are. what if the little relationships or the mistakes were made to show us something. I have no idea but I am really trying to figure this out. and why does it seem like all my buddies want something different than I do. hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  12. Your posts are always inspiring Nisha, Sisterhood is the fuel that nourishes my soul and keeps me moving forward. It is the sacred space that picks me up when I fall and lets me be me so I can be there for my family, my kids, my community <3 There seems to be a fantastic Sisterhood on Vancouver Island, I'm in Nanaimo and the Sisterhood here is strong and femininity is in bloom xo Much love to you all!

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