A FEW DAYS AGO, A CLIENT ASKED:

“I get these spurts and suddenly decide I need to revaluate my whole life, when maybe today I’m just tired and cranky and don’t want to be a ‘grown-up’. How can you tell when its just a temper tantrum and fear or when something really needs to change?”

Your intuition doesn’t whine.
She speaks powerfully and clear.

Trust me – trust yourself – you know which voice it is.
About 90% of the time it’s fear. Expect that.

When we are reaching into unknown territory – blazing trails towards something bigger, better, higher – feelings of self sabotage seem to show up out of nowhere.  It usually sounds like a toddler pitching a shit fit: “I don’t want to…it’s not fair…I’m not in the mood…it’s too much work”.

It’s our fear speaking with the voice of a child, and it’s just there to keep us safe (stuck). But children don’t feel safe when they’re running the show, they feel safe when grown-ups do.

So how do I squash my fears?
Sorry, my love, you don’t.

Fear shows up when we’re up to big things. Don’t discriminate against fear, alchemize
it. {tweet it}

How?
Imagine that there is a child inside you who wants to feel safe and protected. Naturally, this child needs two things:

1.  To have their fears be heard.
2.  To feel safe, so they can get back to the important work of playing.

When we allow our fears to be heard, then let the adult part of us step in and make healthy decisions, fears quell and creativity soars. Voila! Back in action.

5 Steps to end the sh*t fit & get back in the game:

1. Let the child speak : DEFINE THE FEAR
What are you most afraid will happen…How would that look & feel?

2. Play with the kid : DEFINE THE DESIRE
What do you want to happen (the intended positive outcome) …How will that look & feel?

3. Engage the grown-up : DISCOVER SOLUTIONS
How would you know if your worst-case scenario were happening…What would you do in that case? What needs to be done to create the right environment for success? How will you celebrate when it’s happening?

4. Let the child and the grown-up meet : MAKE A PROMISE
Now that you can see that you have a plan regardless of what happens, you may breathe a sigh of relief. Make yourself a promise to celebrate what’s going well and to notice if things aren’t going well so you can course-correct. Make a promise to be present.

5. Let the child play and the grown-up work : CO-CREATE
Get in action on next baby steps to be taken. Is it making that important phone call? Scheduling the next teleclass? Tidying up? Be creative and have fun while you get in action.

We all have times when Netflix is the best medicine. Just don’t use it (or food, or work) to avoid uncomfortable feelings. Do the work of discovering what’s under there, so you can make a powerful CHOICE.

There is no power in ‘taking more time to think about it’. This is akin to giving a screaming child a cookie to shut them up…a temporary sugar high and a moment of ‘relief’, only to be followed by an even louder tantrum.

In the words of my dear friend, Kavita Jhaveri-Patel, “choose happiness, not comfort”.

Said another way, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” -Neale Donald Walsch