A few weeks ago, I was speaking with a client who was struggling to show up fully in her work. She was wading through a lot in her personal life, and it was absorbing a lot of her energy. In tears, she said “I just don’t feel like a leader at all right now. How am I supposed to help anyone when I feel like I’m a mess?”
I understood. Through my years of coaching, I’ve had to face many personal challenges while growing my business and supporting my clients – divorce, heartbreak, health issues, family health issues, friends who needed me, existential crises… Basically, a human dealing with human stuff.
And sometimes, we just need a break – a few weeks off to rest and recalibrate. Other times, we need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Either way, it’s important to decide from the frame that it’s okay to be a mess sometimes, and your mess doesn’t make you less of a leader.
The truth is, if you’re truly into self-growth, you’re likely always going to be doing the deep dive into your heart and psyche, unearthing and healing old patterns that no longer serve. And let’s be honest: We do it because we wouldn’t have it any other way. We enjoy tinkering with the wiring. And if you’re curious in this way, then darling, you’re never going to be fully baked. (Of course, the paradox here is that you’re perfect as you are.)
The world doesn’t need more “leaders” standing on their soapboxes and preaching (but not living) their teachings. The world needs more leaders who are aligned and embodied, willing to do the inner work and allowing their self-love to radiate as universal love through their outer work.
So embrace your mess.
It’s okay that it’s here.
You don’t need to be perfect.
You’re amazing.
And as you relax your resistance to the mess, you just may find the space and clarity to lead.
—> In the comments below, share a time that you’ve found the courage to lead from a place of not being perfect and having it all figured out, or a time that you were inspired by someone else who led from their mess.
So true…there was a time that I was working 4 jobs, 6-7 days a week and nearly 12-14 hours a day. It was crazy, from the outside, everyone said, “Wow, you can really do it all.” For me, I felt like a mess: living a life that wasn’t making me feel whole. It took me experience of embracing my mess to decide that this chaos wasn’t true for me. It wasn’t my story anymore, so I asked myself, “If I don’t want this mess, than what do I want?” As the answer to this question began to unfold, I attended the Live Free Retreat with Nisha Moodley & Sarah Jenks, opening up a whole new chapter to my journey…
So glad you were there with us, Bailey love.
Watching things unfold for you has been such
a gift! Can’t wait to see you soon…
Much love,
Nisha
Thank you. I’ve been working on embracing my mess. Looking it eye to eye. Even naming myself SG Hot Mess. I feel it’s time to move on to what I want. A little more Sweet Seduction in my life and creations. I’ll always be Hot Mess, never fully baked (which is just how I like my cookies). It’s time for me to put one foot in front of the other and show up. Thank you for this short and sweet post. It’s that nudge I needed.
Well hello, SG Hot Mess! Welcome.
Celebrating your every step, sister…
Much love,
Nisha
This came at just the right time…I rolled out of bed with messy hair in my pajamas about to take a client call when I read this post in my inbox. I remembered I am here to lead by example. I brushed my hair, put on a new outfit, and made a green smoothie, and feel so much better. I’m sure by just doing the little things to take care of myself, I will hold a different energy for my client and promote positive change!
Meredith, awesome, sister!
Thanks for this inspiration.
I’m about to embark on a cleanse
and so YOUR message came at the
perfect time for me, too 🙂
Much love,
Nisha
I’m reading this on the day I had a meeting with a divorce lawyer. I’ve been advices to practice radical self care during this time. My energy has been sapped and I feel as if I’ve been chasing my own tail for the last 6 months, distracting myself, sleeping, and literally wasting time as I don’t feel I have anything to give to anyone at this time. One foot in from of the other…
Farah, thank you for sharing and we are here for you, sister.
Divorce is tough – give yourself lots of space to unravel and
lean on your girlfriends big time. You need them.
Give yourself a break if you’re less than super-productive.
Much love,
Nisha
I LOVED this post. I’m just taking the very beginning steps towards serving in a spiritual and coaching capacity, and learning how important it is to be authentic and show up mess and all. I had this unconscious belief that I had to appear like I had it all together and figured out in a leadership or mentoring position, but I’m seeing that not only does that not feel good, but it doesn’t serve either.
Yes, Angie! Our people need US – loving and messy and real.
So glad you got this now…it took me years of coaching to
truly understand.
Much love,
Nisha
What timing this post is! I’m in the mess right now. In my quest for authentic connection and real honesty I have confessed to my husband about infidelities before we were married. It is a painful and difficult time for us. Whilst feeling the guilt and self loathing at the pain he’s in, I’m coping by remembering my intention to create a beautiful new possibility for our relationship, accepting that I don’t know what will happen but holding to my intention and trusting that I’m ok, imperfect and responsible for huge hurt but I have value and in letting go of seeking the evidence of that value I will lead myself to a new and more real place, and hopefully those I love will come with me. That’s for them to decide. Even my post is messy but I know my intention is pure. It’s hard work to live it tho.
Angela, sister, you are so courageous for
sharing here with us. Thank you from the
bottom of my heart for reminding us all
that accountability and healing are part
of all of our paths.
Sending you and your husband love as you
navigate this time in your partnership.
Do you have the support you need?
Much love,
Nisha
A great reminder. Healing myself after being diagnosed with Cancer in December, raising 3 boys, wife and running a business. It always seems like a mess, a beautiful mess.
You are perfect now.
Thank you for the reminder Nisha.
You are amazing, Heather.
Sending rays of light to
that brilliant and wise
body of yours.
Much love,
Nisha
This came at the perfect time! I just launched my very first online coaching program on “empowering women” and my grandmother (the one who taught me how to empower!) just passed. What a mess I am! I considered postponing my program, just to get over the mess I’m feeling, but this encouragement will help me press on! You’ve done it again, Nisha! Thank you for kind and awesome words!
Sending you deep love, Selina.
Love love love.
Move forth gently and know that
your grandmother’s strength is
now imprinted and infused into
your every step.
Much love,
Nisha
It amazes me to no end how interconnected we are when I read a post such as yours Nisha. Thank goodness for those among us, like you, who can bring words to the feeling that many are experiencing. It’s such a validation. Yes, we truly need more leaders who are aligned and embodied and this really does come from healing wounds and creating new habits of behavior. My hot mess is healing today after realizing that it is necessary to put salve on the wound and then let it alone. Don’t work on the problem wound- just let it heal and use my energy to create new experiences to strengthen myself and my relationships even after hurting or being hurt. I am going to create a ceremony this week, that will draw a line in the sand, allowing me to start afresh and forgive and forget. I need 100% of my Self to create the NEW.
Beautiful, Susan. Did you have your ceremony? How was it?
Much love,
Nisha
Hi Nisha –
What a wonderful post and SO appropriate right now. I’m going through a divorce and growing my coaching practice. At times it feels tough but I try to remind myself that this experience, and all the others, is what makes me a)human and b) relatable.
It takes the pressure off to try to have it all together and be perfect. 🙂
Thank you for the reminder.
Ah, sweet relief, huh Amanda?
Divorce is stretching in such beautiful and painful ways.
Give yourself all the space you need and plenty of time
with your girlfriends, to feel and heal.
Much love,
Nisha
(And dear Heather, you may want to look up Protocel to see if it resonates with you. Many blessings on your sacred healing journey.)
Loved this post. Such a beautiful reminder that’s it’s ok to be imperfect. This past year has been a complete mess for me–divorce, homelessness, bankruptcy. In the thick of it it’s challenging to see any good, but now reading this post, I’m reminded that I am still able to help clients create change in their lives while working to create change in my own.
It’s quite incredible the amount of growth that can occur from “mess.” I’m grateful to you for providing me with the perspective.
And I’m so grateful to you, Jennifer, for your strength and tenacity.
Bravo for moving forward every day, sister.
Much love,
Nisha
Love this, Nisha. Thank you thank you thank you.
Love always,
Jill
Love you, Jilly. Always.
Much love,
Nisha
Thank you so so so so much for this Nisha!
I knew I had received a message from divinity from your email last night <3
xxx
Catt
Oh so happy it touched your heart, Catt.
Much love,
Nisha
This came at such a perfect time! I’m a health coach and constantly worrying if I’m fit to lead people when my life, abs and diet aren’t always perfect and a “good example” of “what I/they should be” – I’ve recently completely LET GO of that thought – I AM a good health coach and I’ve helped many people and most of us don’t have “perfect” anything, but are beautifully amazing and wonderful people – all on a journey to be the best we can be…and that’s all that we and others can expect from us…ENJOY THE JOURNEY and THE MESS! Thanks Nisha! You’re amazing!
YOU’RE amazing, Andrea! Yes and yes.
Much love,
Nisha
I’ve just read this blog post today but it comes at such an amazing time. I love this and totally agree. I just wrote a blog post on this topic this week as I’ve been embracing my own “mess”. Changed my site name today (lost all the social media likes from the old name but oh well). Hope you don’t mind me sharing the link but it’s so related to what you’re talking about here!!! http://awakenkinesiology.com/will-you-judge-me/ xx
Hi Kerry, Oh technology can be such a drag. Congrats on your big change, though!
Oh I can totally relate to this. Having had a very rough couple of months, I was very resistant to keep building my business as a life coach because I thought that I had to be in a perfectly perfect place to coach people effectively. I was extremely scared to perpetuate my sadness.
But the reason why I got into life coaching in the first place was that I truly trusted my teachings and that I believed that if more people knew these tools and techniques that they could heal themselves.
So I guess my own story doesn’t matter as much as I thought in the grand scheme of things, because the healing happens inside my clients and not inside me. My teachings facilitate their healing, not the state of my life.
So I guess I only have to focus on my craft and on delivering what I know. Soooo much pressure released…
Thank you for this insightful article Nisha this was exactly what I needed to be reminded of!
(And also, I just enrolled in Mentor Masterclass, can’t wait until you are the mentor of the month 🙂 )
Sending you lots of love
Hanna x
Thank you so much for your beautiful words Hanna, they ring many beautiful truths xo Looking forward to sharing more on the Mentor Masterclass soon : )
Couldn’t agree more – embracing my mess instead of letting it hold me back into paralysis is all new to me & very liberating! Love it 🙂